A Life Worth Living

Lately I’ve been reflecting on a lot in my short 34 years of life and the fact that many may feel like I embellish or out right lie about all that has happened in life… yeah, that is not something I am proud about. Unfortunately I have had many personal ties to some horrible stories that have probably been heard about in passing because they were big news stories at one time in the state. It’s wild. It’s uncomfortable and it’s not a party trick or subjects I bring up often but it ultimately reminds many of us how connected we are throughout life despite miles and lack of actually talking anymore.

Last August around this exact time, my husband and I were in Colorado celebrating my husbands best friends birthday. I wish I could say that the trip to Colorado is a yearly thing and it, unfortunately, is not. I love Colorado so much but with it bring a lot of grief. Why? Well, I first went to Colorado with my maternal grandparents when my uncle was fire chief there after leaving Lake Forest, IL. There were a few road trips to Colorado where we stopped in South Dakota along the way. I first learned how to pass another car on a two lane highway in Wyoming driving my grandparents Sienna.

That’s not the only reason. When we went to Colorado in 2019 I was 20 weeks pregnant with my oldest. This was on the heels of a miscarriage two months before becoming pregnant with her. There was so much grief still lingering between my husband and I. Things were okay during that part of the pregnancy besides the morning sickness, but it was cruel to be unable to join them in the hot tub after I pulled my pelvic floor muscles on a hike near Evergreen.

There have been many mornings where I’ve sat at the kitchen island in our friends aunt’s mountain house staring out at the mountains reflecting on life. So much life. So much of what I should be doing and comparing where I am in life to others. Which is such a mental mind fuck. With that, I’ve been reflecting on my own mortality while someone else reminds me of how short life can be.

Last year, that came with another cancer diagnosis for Tyler’s best friend. Feb of 2024 he underwent aggressive surgery to remove his thyroid and affected lymph nodes. Shortly before Tyler and I were married his friend, our best man, was diagnosed with another form of cancer and quietly underwent treatment for that. Not telling us till after our wedding- how selfless but also how awful to hear it after the fact. I can understand not wanting to worry us, but at the same time, I’ve learned that it’s also important to allow people in to want to help you, if they can.

Last August we heard all about how e-bikes are great and help preserve energy and not put as much strain on your body during intense rides. I kept thinking this was an interesting thing that Nate kept bringing up while we biked 10 miles up Vail Pass. As the weekend continued it became evident why he was making these things known. We’ve lived with a lot of disability in our lives; my Mom was disabled by a horse accident, the horse stepped own on her ankle shattering it and she compressed some discs in her lower back on the impact of the fall. She was unable to walk for months. She’s even lucky that she can walk now. My father in law has primary progressive MS and if you know anything about MS, it is horrible to watch someone have. To have them lose a lot of their independence. Nate was dropping hints about something, preparing us for what may be inevitable as he began explaining how his Dad has been having a tougher time navigating the stairs at home. How both he and his brothers underwent genetic testing and it turns out that that two of them have the same thing as their Dad.

It is hard to be constantly reminded how quickly your own life can change. How you were just living without a care and then suddenly you need to be aware of so many more things. Needless to say, this new information finally was what it took for me to get a colonoscopy in February after landing in the ER the day before Thanksgiving because of more GI issues and finally having yet another doctor look at me and say “you should really get a colonoscopy”. Thankfully, or maybe not, the only thing that turned up on the colonoscopy was a small precancerous polyp (granted almost all polyps are considered this) and a fissure that required a medicated cream from the compounding pharmacy to take care of. Most of my GI issues have been well managed now with diet for about a year.

How quickly we must adapt to want to live the live we want, to continue living in a way which aligns with our athletic capabilities and what we want to do in life… It really is eye opening how we all go through these journeys in various ways but it also is incredibly humbling that we all reach them at some point at another. To know that we must change things in order to continue feeling as good in our bodies as we want to. That moment when you embrace that your mortality is inevitable but how you reach it is your own journey, that is the moment in which you truly realize what matters and what is truly noise.