On Religion and Spirituality

Day 29: May 23, 2016

Destination: Originally headed to Molinaseca, but ended up having to walk 8km further to Ponferrada

Distance: 29 km

Time: 8 hours, 9am to 5pm

Terrain: 2k climb, 3k rolling, 14k downhill (drop of 900m!), then some more rolling. Most of the trail was dirt or gravel path through scrub and forest. Some was very rocky. Last 8k were on the road into the city.

Weather: 1° Celsius and overcast when we started. Morning was cold but no rain or wind. End of the day was hot, mid 20’s?

Total distance to date: 541 km (+12k taxi, 14k bus, 15k bus = 582k)

We didn’t set the alarm and woke up around 8 am. Erik is feeling much better; however, I woke up with a cold. Right now, it’s just nasal congestion and a mild headache. Ugh, we are quite the pair, aren’t we?

We had a quick coffee and hit the trail at 9am. There were lots of pilgrims on their way up to the famous Cruz de Ferro, which was only a 2 km climb to the highest point we will hit on the Camino 1550m (5085′).

The Cruz de Ferro, or Iron Cross, is a significant point of the Camino for many pilgrims who bring a stone from their homeland and leave it at the cross. The stone is meant to represent the burdens they are leaving behind on the Camino.

Many modern day pilgrims leave other items besides stones and apply whatever significance to those items that they choose. Besides the huge pile of stones, there are photos and ribbons and packages and cards and many other things that people have left. It can be a very emotional visit.

Neither Erik nor I brought a stone from home but we each made a point of choosing a special stone on the beach in Biarritz before we began the Camino and we carried them in our packs with us all the way.

Erik laid his stone at the cross and for him, it was in memory of his parents who have always been so important to him.

For me, well, as usual, I had to be a little different. To understand what I left at the cross requires a little explanation.

Last summer, while we were touring Italy and cognizant of our Camino walk the following May, I spent a lot of time touring beautiful churches. Standing inside those magnificent buildings, I found myself reflecting on my relationship with religion. I often wondered why, as an atheist, I felt such a deep appreciation for the symbolism within these spaces. As I admired the stunning architecture and incredible works of art, I could understand how others might find comfort in their faith and the sense of community that often involves.

I began to wonder if walking the Camino and visiting the churches along the way would awaken a spiritual side in me. On a whim, as I was leaving Rome to head home, I bought a rosary. Although I am not Catholic and never intend to be, I thought maybe the symbolism of the rosary might inspire me on my walk.

And so, since I started walking the Camino 29 days ago, I’ve been carrying in my backpack both my stone from the beach in Biarritz and my rosary from Rome.

While walking for the past month, I have been inside many churches and I have had many quiet, introspective moments walking on the trail. But not once have I felt any kind of religious feeling. No signs from God. No sudden inspiration. No pious or devout feelings whatsoever. But I have had many moments of profound awe in the beauty and majesty and power of the earth around me.

Erik and I talked about the meaning of spirituality while we walked. I liked his interpretation that spirituality is internal – it comes from within you – and religion is external – it is an institution. I told Erik I didn’t think *I* was a spiritual person because I really don’t believe in a greater power. However, he pointed out that my appreciation for the earth, nature, and the power of the human mind could, in fact, be considered greater powers. He thought this could be considered spiritual thinking. Even my moments of bliss, my appreciation for the small things in life, my awe of the world around me – these are spiritual thoughts.

Over time, I have come to realize that I do not connect with the concept of the religious institution. I do love standing quietly inside an ancient cathedral and marvelling in its beauty, but it’s not because I believe I am nearer God. It’s because I love the artwork, the sculpture, the artistic details, the gothic arches. I am in awe that human hands were able to build this magnificent cathedral with only the tools available one thousand years ago.

The Camino has helped to confirm my belief that I may be spiritual but I am not religious.

Over the past 4 weeks, I have held that stone in my hand many times. I love shape and the size and the slippery feel of it. I have thought about my stone and what it means to me. I have tried to put my past “baggage” into the stone so that I can leave that behind when leave the stone at the cross. But that just wasn’t happening. I liked my stone too much, and I didn’t want to associate it with negative thoughts. I even felt a little sad at the thought of leaving it behind.

When I reached the Cruz de Ferro, I decided to leave the rosary instead of my little stone, which was created by Mother Earth and filled with the love of my family and the memories of my journey over the past two months. The rosary represents a religious institution with rules and beliefs that I do not support. I no longer need it; it belongs at the Cruz de Ferro. Perhaps someone will come across my rosary and find it meaningful. If so, I hope they take it with them.