learning by sucking at stuff

Let me start by saying that I don't think these bandanas suck, I actually love how they came out. But I want to reflect a bit on how many mistakes and stumbling blocks it takes to learn something new, and how big the gap can feel between knowing how to do something and how to do it well.

During this project I:

-Dyed the pink bandanas too dark and had to bleach them back to the light pink I wanted.

-Did a terrible job coating the screen x 2 and had to ask for help to figure out what I was doing wrong, which wasted a lot of time and felt embarrassing since it seems so simple.

-Had registration chaos resulting in some comically off centre prints (until Val helped me problem solve and come up with a slightly better system).

-Ruined multiple bandanas with my chaotic ink mess.

-Had an anticlimactic bleach fail where I tried printing with homemade bleach paste to get a light-on-dark effect, but my recipe failed and literally nothing was printed...onto like 15 bandanas.

And also, I am a WAY more confident screen printer after clearing these hurdles. What I just listed as mistakes could just as easily be framed as a list of things I learned for next time:

-Test dye a sample first if I can.

-Press harder and move faster than is intuitive when coating a screen with emulsion, and remember I can clean up the edges immediately after coating if there are too-thick sections.

-Plan ahead about registration more carefully, and think outside of the box if a typical setup won’t work.

-Use less ink, don’t rush, keep it contained on the screen to where it needs to be.

-Now I know that bleach rapidly loses its potency when mixed with other substances (in this case, cornstarch and water), so I’ll try a gel bleach straight from the bottle next time instead of making my own.

Despite all of that, I found so much pleasure in and around the process of making these bandanas. I loved every step, from dying the fabric to methodical hemming to the exciting and labour intensive printing days. I even loved the calm, gentle task of ironing each bandana to heat set the ink. I loved getting all inky at the printmaking studio and then going for an ocean dip to rinse off each day. And now I love seeing them out and about in the world, and have felt encouraged by people’s positive response to them.

Earlier this year, Maya (my printmaking mentor) referred to my approach as "fearless." I actually have a lot of fears in general, including in relation to my art practice, but I think I kind of know what they mean. I do tend to get determined and barrel my way through new processes, with a weird faith that I will be able to figure it out. Printmakers in general seem to be pretty meticulous people, so maybe Maya was also referring to my looser and less precise approach, ie. I LIKE when things look imperfect, a little messy, when you can see the artist’s hand. Or maybe it's just that my desire to make whatever I'm envisioning is usually stronger than the fear of messing it up?

This fall I am starting a couple new projects that will also involve a lot of learning, and feel a bit out of my depth. Feeling some anxiety about this, I just had a helpful conversation with a collaborator who pointed out the value in moving towards fear as a strategy to keep growing. Maybe fear that I will fail or not do something perfectly can sometimes be interpretted a guidepost pointing me where to go next in my practice?

THANKS FOR READING THIS <3