Gold Shines Brightest in the Sun.

“Why are you so original?,” asked one of my high school love interests.

I now know the answer.

Aspergers’ Syndrome — now classified as “high functioning” or low needs Level 1 Autism — is my gold medal (Gold = Au = Autism). Truth be told, I diagnosed myself as a child but then carefully hid that information away once it was refuted by my Jamaican family. Yes, I believe in the value of self-diagnosis given the misgivings, racism, and violent nature of the DSM5 and medical institutions of America. That said, my childhood discovery was validated by a credentialed adult many years later. Of course, it took far too long as I “don’t look autistic” according to every neurotypical person to ever meet me.

Most autistic girls/women are subjected to this denial. A refutation that leaves us vulnerable to misdiagnoses as much as mistreatment—be it borderline or abusers—stereotypes put us in harm’s way. Nevertheless, its been my experience that most who hear my truth send it out their non-receiving ears and/or begin to infantilize me, and/or belittle and discriminate against me, and/or simply fail to integrate the knowledge and provide empathy let alone accommodation.

“Everyone knows Kat’s just a little shady,” asserted one of my college love interests.

False. “Shady” in this case is the incorrect perception of my blunt honesty, pragmatic or efficient speech, and flat affect. Apparently, speaking in monotone is the quickest way to deflate one’s ego and trigger their deepest insecurities. Somehow that is my fault. Pair that with a heightened intelligence, expansive vocabulary, and RBF on black skin—well, let’s just say most men and women hate me. If it’s not shady then it’s mysterious or awkward or arrogant or a know-it-all. I do know a lot but what I do not know is why folks insist on projecting their every intrusive thought or cruel intention onto me. Those who truly see me know I’m very baby girl. An empath. A sweet pisces woman with a libra rising that contractually requires me to be as beautiful as can be.

Let’s review the facts, shall we?

Today is World Autism Day.

To my fellow ND baddies, I implore you to unmask. In fact, I dare you. I double dare you. I triple dog dare you. You’ll find your people eventually. Unmasking makes it easier for them to see you. It also makes it easier to see who is actually for you, the real you. The good news is: you will be loved. The bad news is: it might not be by whom you hoped. The best news is: you will be free.

To my neurotypical compatriots, be a fucking human—not a mindless conforming capitalist—a real, empathetic and compassionate human being. Understand that there is no subtext, our tone is neutral, our lack of eye contact does not mean we’re lying, and for the love of all things lovely, we are not being shady, we’re just being honest. Also fix the lighting in that room. You know which one.

“Stay gold, Ponyboy,” advised the Outsider.