My favorite, courageous friends!
I am having so much fun digging up photos from my archives to share snippets of my life. This photo above was in a big season of “playing to win” and we thrived! Then, a few years after, I hit a spell of doubt & playing small and had to remind myself of exactly the pieces I share below. So, this letter is, as always…
with love, from me to *us*.
P.S. I hinted in my last letter about a special announcement this week… annnd I’ve got a few more pieces to finalize. Details coming very soon - it will be very worth it. I’m so glad you’re here!
P.P.S. The KDO Edit has moved to the end of each letter. Scroll down to find current fave finds below. Cheers!
Let’s roll…
We’re sitting at the dining room table of my Grandpa’s house — 4 of us, holding our cards close to our chests and cheekily eyeing each other. My Grandpa — 100 years old at the time and 100% still with it — loved to play games, *and win* at those games. His favorite… the board game ‘Sequence’.
We’re hitting the pinnacle where one of the teams is about to win — my cousin Mike & I vs. my Grandpa & Aunt.
My turn is up next.
I see 2 options:
1) a move that *could* secure the win, but it’s “risky” as it all depends on what’s in my teammate’s cards (that I don’t know).
2) another move that will block the other team for a few turns but doesn’t move us towards a win — i.e., defense & maintaining our position.
My cousin eyes me, raises his eyebrow and smirks, and I think to myself…“I play to win, not not to lose.”
I boldly choose option 1 annnnd feel the exhilaration of the unknown, of betting on myself and my teammate, and a bit nervous because, let’s be honest, it’s a feat to beat the legendary Grandpa. Did I just blow it?!
The other team goes next. Exhale… we’re still in it!
And then…. my cousin puts the winning piece on the spot I just set up for him. My eyes go big! Grandpa does a double take, saying, “How?!” and then starts his renowned belly laugh. We won that game, and the bragging rights to go with it.
But for me…
That moment anchored in a belief (& identity) a wee bit more that I’m continually strengthening in life, marriage, business, and well, everything really…
It’s easy to grasp this in the context of sports or a card game, but the biggie… how we do one thing often tells us a lot about how we do everything.
Because underlying that ONE small courageous (kinda, lol) act of taking a risk in the game was…
a belief in myself (+ a chance to bet on myself)
a belief that life can work in my favor
a desire to grow and meet the edge of my potential + capacity
*and* a choice to play with life, have fun, go ALL IN, and detach from the outcome having to mean anything about me (my skills, smarts, worth, safety, etc.) Ooo baby, that’s a biggie — read on below.
And ^those^ beliefs and ways of seeing the world change EVERYTHING about what I see is possible and available to me… in my business, my marriage, motherhood, friendship, adventures, self-care, wealth, joy, etc.
And the flip side…
Have you ever watched a sports team play to not lose? (cough, my home state Iowa Hawkeye football 🏈, ugh.) It’s painful. It’s boring, infuriating, and causes burnout for everyone — hello, low morale and energy.
When we’re playing not to lose, we’re defending and holding tightly to what is vs. expanding to what’s possible — often stuck in worry, scarcity, fear (of failure *and* success), fighting for our limitations (“yeah, but let me tell you why the thing I actually want won’t work for me…”). Focusing on what we don’t want vs. creating the possibility for what we do.
No, boo. I chose option 1, please: play to win.
But, how do we stay in that energy & mindset? My current secrets are below + feel free to add yours in the comments!
1. Let yourself want more, not from a place of lack, not enoughness, and trying to fix yourself or your life, but a place of gratitude, creation, expansion, and meeting the edge of our capacity and potential. Like, ooo what’s possible?!
🏹 It’s safe to trust your Divine & aligned desires. + a note on cake crumbs here.
2. Play for the fun of *playing*. The vibe: my fam was on a cruise and with time to burn before our dinner. In our fancy clothes, we went to the casino 🎰 with a few bucks each and to have some fun (none of us gamble gamble). We’re laughing, *having fun*, and a few minutes in the sirens start going off and quarters start shooting out of my dad’s machine. He’s laughing, surprised and saying, “I don’t know what I did!” LOL. We’re scrambling to get more buckets because they just keep pouring out… and out… and out. Like 10 big buckets, maybe?! Fun is one of the biggest success propellents around, imo (and research too, ha).
When we play for fun (especially with things that matter to us: #7 below)…
🏹 We can’t mess it up. You can’t F this up.
Repeat to yourself when the doubts + desire to play it safe (i.e not to lose) come in: I’m playing for fun, for myself first. I can’t mess this up. Cue: 20 seconds of courage.
3. Let yourself be human. We’re here to live + feel a WHOLE life — all the facets, the wins, the imperfections. When we’re playing it safe and staying in the box, we’re leaving a life half lived (and felt) on the table.
🏹 As Meryl Streep said, “I want to feel my life while I’m in it.” YESSS.
4. Detach from the outcome. “Failing” doesn’t have to mean anything about the core of who you are. Disappointed? Sure. Feedback? Absolutely. But, when we do the inner work to become solid in our worth and who we are (oh hi, nothing to prove, nothing to hide, no one to impress), it becomes a chance to expand you, see things differently, thus make choices differently. Clear eyes vs. fear eyes.
Questions I like to ask: Can I be okay with this not working? Can I be okay with embarrassment? Can I be okay with (insert fear)? Of course I can be okay with that. Once you’re okay with that… YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. :) Seriously.
🏹 It’s safe to go for it.
5. Play a bit outta your league. One of my really good guy friends — such a cool, fun and interesting guy — is maybe a 5-6 in looks (of course looks aren’t everything, but hang with me). In college, when so many guys were wanting dates but too afraid to ask a girl out so they’d settle (playing not to lose)… this guy would would boldly go up to every 9 or 10 in the room and if he still liked her personality, ask her out… and he was more often than not successful. He decided to believe his “league” didn’t matter and because of that… he “won” out of his league. Playing small takes more effort, not less.
🏹 Limits are illusions. Be delulu (i.e. delusional).
6. Bet on yourself. I love being supported by others and wildly betting on them (i.e. believing in them). AND… when you start betting on yourself (again, believing in yourself), that’s when we start collapsing time between desire, potential and actuality.
“I don't like to gamble, but if there's one thing I'm willing to bet on, it's myself.” - Beyonce
Do what you need to do to build self-trust with yourself (hint of where to start: hold your standards and do what you say you’re going to do). Be willing to bet on yourself.
7. Know what’s worth ‘playing to win’ FOR YOU. Playing to win doesn’t mean ALL IN on everything, it means ALL IN playing to win on what most matters to YOU.
So, to myself and you…
🏹 Where are you playing it safe, maintaining or fighting for your limitations?
And, with 5 weeks left in 2024, if you were to fully embrace playing to win (and having so much fun doing it), what could that look like for you?!
Play to win, babes. Not not to lose.
We got this!
with love, from me to us
xoxo, kdo
My fave finds — tools, tips, people, books, products and more that are currently impacting + illuminating my life — to help you/us to live {a little} more by design, than default. Today, a little frivolity meets practicality.
OBSESSING
It’s 9:30am (as I’m writing this in a coffee shop) and I have received 5 (yes FIVE) compliments and requests for sourcing of these overalls. I live in these all winter and every single time I’ve worn them, people comment. Of course we don’t dress or live for others. And, the people have spoken. I have the sesame color + am eyeing the navy one.
RELAXING
For a few years, we’ve been using candlelight, fire, and red light in the mornings and evenings as much as possible for the sleep, hormone, and immense health benefits (with a toddler, it’s magic!) And, there’s a lot of fancy and expensive gadgets out there, but this little $3 red incandescent light in a lamp has been perfect. If it piques your interest, check out Carrie B Wellness for circadian health (instagram + paid courses are great!).
RE-READING
Book: 10x is Easier than 2x. Gah, so good! I’m re-reading this and anchoring in a few more concepts + beliefs on how going bigger actually requires less effort. This book is a mind-bender in the best way!
Cheers, loves! Go play! ;)
P.S. This new series is archived on Substack here! You’ll get the Lioness Letters delivered to you email inbox just like we always have. But, if you’re looking for an archive, on-the-go app (I’m obsessed!), or to connect with me/us (I would LOVE to hear from you!) — Substack just takes us to the next level and it’s free. Leave me a note or a ♥️ below!
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