What is Going on with My Hormones?

I’m a moody bitch, always have been. Some people ride the chemical rollercoaster as if it’s a steam liner. For me it’s always been more like a horror train. From around the age of 10, my hormones have been an adversary, an evil force which needed to be placated, managed and numbed. My mum went through her whole menstrual lifetime without a period pain. When she went into labour, she was shocked. To me a contraction was painful, obviously. But it wasn’t outside the realms of my prior experience. It felt familiar. My period has woken me up with pain month in and month out. Even though I’ve had a Mirena coil for two decades - which is meant to stop you bleeding entirely - my flow has never given up. I’ve spoken before about my adolescent migraines, but my cycle also always brings low blood pressure, faintness, extreme anxiety and anger (though this only lasts for about two hours and I take Xanax to manage it every month), brain fog to the point I can’t remember my PIN number and general debilitating exhaustion. I lose things as well as my mind. It is so boring.

Recently however, the situation has declined further and my last cycle lasted 17 days. What the actual fuck. For most of the time it wasn’t heavy, but too heavy for just a pantyliner. My mood is all over the shop, headaches and flashing auras at the corner of every glance. The fatigue is the worst - sleeping for eight hours and waking up feeling entirely unrefreshed. As if I’d forced myself to stay awake all night fired up by Pro-Plus like a GCSE crammer.

I’ve been around the houses with my GP. Blood tests, ultrasounds; the only real advice I was given was that I was still fertile and should continue to use contraception. ‘It can be like this at your age.’ Right. All signs are pointing to perimenopausal symptoms, but I got no further pointers on what I do now. Is the answer to just suck it up and lie flat for a fortnight so I don’t pass out? Is this real?

I’ve started by keeping a log of my cycle and symptoms. It really doesn’t feel so long ago that I was doing all this for a very different reason. The window between baby-making and erratic oestrogen surveillance has become so wafer thin for so many of us. I’m keeping my mind open - perhaps there’s some other explanation for all of this. My thyroid? Could it be that? Biology A-Level was a very long time ago, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with energy levels. And I’m also trying to educate myself on a new vocabulary. Which kind of doctor do I even need? An endocrinologist? A female health specialist? A gynaecologist?