Living in the Both/And

I can be resoundingly feminist and still enjoy an apron.

(Speaking of aprons, why yes the dryer is still broken, and never will you appreciate your dryer more (oh glorious dryer!) than when you have to touch Every Single One Of Your Children’s Socks just to get them dry. But wait til you see the gorgeous indigo linen apron I just got. It makes hanging out the laundry feel a little bit poetic instead of just drudgery.)

You can have lots of friends and still feel lonely. You can live in gratitude and also get cranky. You can love your little darlings and already miss them and also rejoice at two weeks sans kids.

We can be deeply in love and deep in the thick of life.

We can want our kids to launch, but then weep when they actually do.

We can be unbelievably capable and brave and tough and competent— and also we can wake up some days with the strength and power of a wet paper straw wrapper.

We can love masculinity and dismantle the patriarchy.

I can festoon my dining room with birthday decorations and also (still, yet, more, always) laundry.

We can acknowledge that so much of the evil we see in the USA— armed violence against civilians, unfair incarceration, internment camps— has always been part of our history. It has been part of the USA long experienced by Americans of colour. So when we white people say we are living in “unprecedented times” it’s absurd and pretty offensive.

We can also acknowledge that it feels like we are approaching a tipping point, a point of historical change. (PLEASE DEAR HEAVEN.) We can acknowledge that while this violence is not new, it is also out in the open and consciously witnessed by millions of people in a way that is different.

We can feel despair and still reach for hope.

We can want a soft life and still rise up with courage.

I can be thrilled about the fresh winds blowing through my Queen Sweep group and also feel how small that is, a tiny breath.

I can feel the power of a million tiny collective breaths.

When someone is in the grip of evil— making evil choices, doing evil things, supporting evil systems— I can still see the tender human inside them, the little innocent they once were.

And sometimes, I cannot.

I can drag my tired ass to a documentary on community building (it was amazing! go watch it!) and also collapse into the relief of a glossy fictional world at the end of the night.

We can pay attention and also make everyone’s favourite for dinner.

We can hide away and rest.

We can rise up and be brave.

We can pack a picnic.

We can hide under the covers.

We do not have to do or feel all these things at once.

Whatever moment you’re in, whatever seesaw you’re riding, whatever paradox or koan you are embracing in your capacious multitudinous heart— I raise my glass to you. You are big enough to hold all of it. Even when you’re pretty sure you’re not.

love,

Katherine