"Reflections": Kate and Jack Shift Gears

Memories of Spending Time with Grady

Us dogs typically don’t speak much English. If I didn’t do something she wanted me to do or if I did something she didn’t want me to do, it was usually because she didn’t clearly let me know what was expected of me. She was very patient though. She’d say, “It’s okay Jack. I know you’re doing your best.”

Meanwhile she was my master and she could do anything and everything! She could open cans. She drove a car. She could go to the store with money she made to pay for our dinner. She played the piano and planted trees and flowers. She built our house and made it our home.

She was busy almost all the time. Her ‘In a minute…’ became much longer and her ‘I’ll be back soon!’ could stretch until the sun went down. I would wait a minute or an hour or more, it didn’t matter. She would always do what she said she would do, eventually. I was beginning to understand her and I was glad that I never had a well-developed concept of time. It came in very handy to have it not matter.

She tried to learn about me and understand me. I was trying to understand her too. She read a lot of books about dog behavior and as we got older she realized that it was really up to her to help us to build the relationship she wanted us to have. As my master, she had the power to create me and shape me. She did this by teaching me, by correcting me, and by loving me. Above all, by loving me.

I was very obedient for I loved her too and I wanted to please her. She only had to tell me something once or twice before I learned it. I kept getting bigger and bigger. I surpassed the predicted 45-pound mark; I never seemed to stop growing! As I grew my perspective kept shifting and with the shift the rules would change too.

The day came when I was tall enough for my head to clear the dining room table. Wow. I was eye to eye with her dinner plate and I could see her eating things that I would like to eat too. She would put her fork down, look at me sternly and say: “You stop that. Begging doesn’t get you anywhere.”

She always ate first and then fed me afterwards, like a good alpha dog does. It was usually worth waiting for because I would inevitably get a little bit of everything that had been on her plate. It’s just like everything else. If you think positive and are obedient and accepting, what you want has a way of ending up on your plate.

Growing Into my Paws

At its best, communication can be a challenge, but there were a few things that came easily for both of us. A lightweight wag of my tail was the same as her smile; my “power wag” was her laugh. My favorite thing to do with her was to run and play and smile and wag and laugh!

We looked at each other a lot. We studied each other. That’s what you do when you love someone. You want to understand them. You want to be able to see the world the way they see it. You want to know them. You don’t ever want to stop looking at them and learning about them.

We would look at each other across a field, across a room, even in a mirror. Once, only once, when we were gazing at each other, I felt that I was actually her. It was mystifying. I could see myself looking back at myself from her eyes. I am not sure if I was she or she was me but I was sure in that moment that we were one and the same. I felt only love and nothing else. This was the moment I first became aware of myself and this is the only reason that I can write this book.

The Best of Friends

Even though we spoke different languages, I had a range of voices to communicate different things. I was pretty quiet most of the time. My gentle warning “woof” would alert her to something I found suspicious. She would always stop what she was doing to come to see what I was looking at.

“Shh…” she would say and with our heads close together we would quietly assess the situation. She never wanted me to feel that I needed to bark to get her attention. When you say something quietly it can be more effective than when you yell about it.

I learned from Grady that it only upsets you more to whine and bark about something. It was actually her own barking that triggered her anxiety and it became a vicious cycle. To find peace in the confusion and chaos of life, one needs to approach things from a calm position whenever possible.

Sometimes, however, I would get so excited about something that I would totally forget my manners. I was so happy when our friends came to the house that I would jump, electrified, all over them. In my joy I forgot what I learned as a pup: to leave them wanting more of me, not less.

If a stranger approached too quickly or caught me off guard, or if someone had a big hat on their head or a hood or hair piled up on top, I just couldn’t help it. “Awo-OOOooo!” I just couldn’t suppress my ancestral hound dog howl. When I barked like this, it would get her immediate attention. She would run to see what I was howling at and say, “Oh Jack, oh my goodness!” I couldn’t really control it; it just came out when I least expected it.

She said that it was all because of me that our house and lives were safe. She thanked me every day for protecting her and our home. It made me very proud and helped me to know that I was doing a good job.

In my years with her I came to witness and respect our similarities. She too yelped, growled, barked, whined and sighed…and in those times I felt I understood her more than any other time.

My Eyes Adored You…

In the old days I used to jump all over her when she came through the door. I couldn’t contain myself! It was the best part of the day, being reunited! She would say how she missed me and would kiss me and hug me and love me, but then one day I guess she felt I was too old for that kind of thing and probably too big for it too. She signed us up for Obedience Training Class at Four Paws Academy.

At our first class, the teacher suggested we bring clickers, treats or squeaker toys to reward for jobs well done. The fact is I needed no reward but Kate’s praise and her love. That’s why I was doing this. I wasn’t doing it for treats or toys. I was doing this for her. I was doing this for us.

She was learning a lot of important things in class too. When one of us learned, we both learned. While I was learning boundaries, she was too. We were both learning about give and take, trust, consistency and discipline. We also learned how lucky we were to have each other. We made a good team.

She never yelled that she was the boss but she was. She let me know in unique and creative ways. For example on our walks if I was heading one way on the leash, like a good master she would sometimes catch me off guard, purposefully changing direction to keep me on my toes.

“C’mon Jack, we’re going this way,” she would say crisply, reminding me that she’s the one in charge. A gentle tug on the leash and I would adjust myself quickly. I never questioned it. I knew that she knew where we were going and I never once looked back. Sometimes God does that too. He reminds us not to get too headstrong so that we remain humble and attentive to Him. He knows where He is taking us.

Without a master to discipline us, without a master to provide rules for living, without visible and invisible fences to protect us, our lives can be chaotic at best. Like children, dogs need to know their limits. Dogs need a certain structure in life to feel safe. Most of the time when there is a dog that doesn’t behave well it’s because he hasn’t had the proper structure provided for him. He doesn’t know his boundaries or what is expected of him. It’s up to his master to lay the ground rules so that he can be happy, healthy, comfortable and obedient.

One day she totally ignored me when she came through the door. It was very out of character for her. I jumped and jumped! I jumped even higher and harder to get her to respond but she just wouldn’t. She even turned her back on me! I soon came to realize that we had both grown up and that jumping wasn’t necessary. The rules were different now. From that point on I just stopped jumping altogether.

Training, for some, includes shock and choker collars and strict demands to obey. I noticed that we were different than the others. We didn’t need these things. Instead of barking orders, she would encourage me. She treated me like a teammate. She would invite me rather than tell me. She would use her hands so I could see and hear and smell her all at the same time. Instead of “Heel,” she would command, “Walk with me.” Instead of “Stay,” she would say, “Stay with me.” Instead of “Wait,” she would command, “Wait for me.” She reminded me that she was always an important part of everything we did. We worked together to succeed and there was nothing we couldn’t accomplish.

Many dogs get the word “wait” and the word “stay” mixed up. When she would say, “Wait,” I would not move until she came back for me. When she said, “Stay,” I would not move until she called for me to “Come” to her. Stay means: “Stay I’ll be calling you to come”. Wait means: “Wait right there until I come back for you.” I notice lots of people use these two words interchangeably and it can be very confusing.

Learning the Wait command came in quite handy because I would often find myself in the position of waiting for her. I would wait and wait and wait…and wait. Once we understand your commands, once we trust that you will always do what you say you will do, we will wait forever for you. We will come whenever you call.

…no matter which side of the Rainbow we are on…

McGahan, Kate; McAfghan, Jack. “Jack McAfghan: Reflections: A Dog’s Memoir on Life and the Afterlife” (Jack McAfghan Pet Loss Trilogy Book 1)