Every Adult is Avenging Their Childhood

I look back at my life and it looks pretty much like 5 seasons of a drama series.

Season 1 was childhood. I’ve forgotten most of it. Feels like I was on a leash most of it. Directed, guided, instructed on how to think, how to feel and how to act. Once in a while they’d let me free. I went wild. There were like a hundred thousand things I wanted to do. I heard only one answer “no”.

Season 2 was school and college. Whatever that was. Sheep thing. Herd thing or mentality. IMDB would give it 3.5/10. Yeah, it sucked.

Season 3 was where things really got interesting. Left home. Started making money. Good money later. And then… I met the void they all talk about. The big inner void nothing can fill. I felt empty.

Season 4 took a dramatic turn. To fill the void, I found all kinds of vices. Smoke and booze and all that jazz. It was a neat escape, until it wasn’t. And the void paid me a visit again. This time it was so huge it made me start looking for a purpose.

Season 5 was all about becoming. Better person. Quitting vices. Finding meaning. Creating long-term wealth. Keeping healthy. Living my purpose.

I look back now and it’s the same as every damn drama series that has ever existed. The same character arc. The story. The same struggles. The same character arc. The story. The same struggles. The same coming-of-age story that has been written and filmed and performed a million times over.

But… there’s a twist. Now we all love a good old twist. Makes things interesting.

I have a theory.

Your life is not a drama. It’s a revenge thriller. Every adult is avenging their childhood.

Things we lack or never get to experience in our early life become the very things that we chase and get addicted to as adults. Alcohol, art, sex, cigarettes, success, beauty, productivity, body, knowledge.

You won’t even notice it. It’s so subtle. Your actions are not intentional, they are rebel responses. You are just doing the opposite of what your parents enforced.

You, as the hero of your story, will go to any extremes to fulfil the unmet needs of your childhood. Even if it destroys you.

Risky jobs
Toxic relationships.
Obsessive self-improvement
Overspending on toys, gadgets, luxury items
Unhealthy lifestyles (alcohol, porn, drugs)
Hyper-independent (I don’t need anyone)

If you look carefully, this adult behavior is a reaction to early unmet needs and constraints.

Pay attention to your deepest tendencies. Wants, needs, and desires. Emotional patterns, repeated thoughts, compulsive actions. Pay attention to where they are coming from. From the fire of obsession that nourishes you, or the fire of revenge that burns you?

That is true self-awareness.

– Karun

If you’d like to learn more about these tendencies, my book Born to Stand Out will take you the bottom of the iceberg. (Or if you like paperbacks, get it here).