The Sex Party Survival Guide

I’ve been to many sex parties in my day, from chic hotel penthouse affairs that charge thousands for a ticket, to grimy Brooklyn warehouses with mattresses on the floor and Tupperware full of lube. I’ve done the “research,” so to speak.

This past winter, myself and Kazumi—the OnlyFans mogul and all around adult superstar—wrote an article together for Richardson mag about the Los Angeles sex party scene, including a list of dos and don’ts to live by, so you don’t end up being the weirdo at the orgy. You can read the list below.

But first, if you’re interested in sex parties: Back in 2023, I wrote and hosted the podcast limited series Sanctum Unmasked, about the rise and fall of the world’s most elite sex club, SNCTM. It’s the story of a broke family man who built a sex empire—and what that empire cost him (inc. his sanity). It also follows the performers who kept the fantasy running. I recommend a listen!

DON’T: Bring your favorite shoes to a war zone

KARLEY: If you’re doing a sex party right, you will leave looking absolutely destroyed. Never wear anything you will be sad to lose or get trashed. I (and most women) wear fancy lingerie—if there ever was a time, it’s this—but I’m never wearing designer shoes or my favorite dress, because I assume at the end of the night I’ll find my clothes in some dark corner, covered in beer and mystery cum, with my shoe straps broken for some mysterious reason (i.e. falling over after taking too much ketamine).

DO: Shoulder-holster your thong

KAZUMI: In keeping with the above, my tip for girls is that, when you’re fucking, you should hook your underwear over your shoulder, so you don’t lose it on a giant bed, and then have to be that bitch crawling around in a pile of people looking for your thong.

DO: Eat before (but pack a toothbrush!)

KARLEY: The food at sex parties is bizarre, like warm oysters that have been sitting out for hours, and BDSM parties love cupcakes for some reason. I once went to a party where they had a salmon appetizer, which should be illegal. To avoid this drama, always eat before. And if you’re drinking, make sure to eat some carbs so you don’t get too wasted. (I’ve made this mistake—it’s not hot.)

However, in case of a snacking emergency, always bring a toothbrush and floss with you, so you can spruce up after. Realistically, you should freshen up even if you don’t snack. The guy with bad breath is always picked last (aka never) at the sex party.

DO: If you’re a man, give head