How Does Dating Change After 30?

FROM THE ARCHIVE. I wrote this for Vogue three years ago, and it turns out I still agree with myself :)

Dating, Plato once said, is like enlisting in a gangbang of rejection, lizard-tongue makeouts, and 2 am doom-swiping. It’s vulnerable, expensive, and time-consuming. Sure, when dating is great, it’s really great (love, sexual enlightenment, etc.), but when it’s bad it can feel oppressive—like you’re on an endless series of job interviews, applying for the position of “everything I want in life.” No pressure.

Having been single for over a year, a friend recently asked me the seemingly innocuous question: So, what are you looking for?

“Well...” I said, taking a deep, anticipatory breath. “I’m looking for a guy who’s ready to commit, who is handsome, kind, successful, fit, creative, funny, in therapy, taller than me, can fix things around the house, has amazing friends, and who’s between the ages of thirty-five and forty-three... ya know, give or take a year.” My friend looked at me like he feared for my life. “So you’re basically trying to hit the world’s smallest target?” he asked. “No,” I told him. “This is just dating at thirty-seven.”

Obviously, looking for love at any age has its issues. But for those of us who are allegedly fully-fledged adults, I want to know: Does dating get harder after thirty?

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