Not the year I asked for...

Hello again! There’s no casual way to pop back in months later, it’s abrupt no matter what. So let’s skip the small talk and dive into the main course (but also hi, hello, how are you doing!?)

Three months ago, we celebrated Kennedy Claire’s first birthday.
One month ago, our son Wolf Austin was born

Those were the two biggest days of the year, but honestly, every day has felt huge. The weight of grief and anxiety has been suffocating for most of 2025, and if we’re being honest, most of 2024 too. Moving across the country, finding out we were pregnant again, navigating the waves of grief and trying to hold it all together wore me down more than I realized.

I’ve spent the last few months learning one truth in a million different ways:

None of this was what I asked for. Turns out, it was what I needed.

Moving to Minneapolis wasn’t what I wanted, but it was what our family needed. Having a son after Kennedy Claire wasn’t what I prayed for, but Wolf was what I needed. Getting induced for his birth wasn’t what I put in my birth plan, but it was what we needed.

2025 wasn’t the year I asked for, but it was what….you get the point.

As much as it’s not what I pictured for our family, now I can’t imagine anything other than this. It reminds me of Proverbs 16:9 “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

I made my plans, and God said “Here’s something else.”

It’s taken a long time, but I feel at peace with the reality I’m in. Wolf in my arms, KC in heaven, a winter coat on my back for most of the year. It doesn’t make sense, it wasn’t what I asked for.

But oh goodness, it’s what I needed.

I have so many things I can’t wait to share with you soon: what it’s like to bring a baby home after loss, having a son, stepping into my new role as boy mom (and dairy cow), maternity leave updates, and all the fun, girly things too: fall decorations, Christmas cards, and paint colors. The ideas never end!!!

For now, just know this. If your reality looks nothing like you expected, you’re not alone. And maybe it’s hard, but maybe it’s also for the better.

Lots of love,
Karissa 🤍