10 Things to Do When Your Teen is Mad at You

Nothing breaks a parent’s heart more than arguing with your child.

Even when a debate is needed, it’s painful and unsettling to be at odds with the person you’d walk through fire for.

During adolescence, tension can escalate as teenagers push boundaries. This pushing helps them grow up, gain independence, and form an identity (and life) apart from their family.

For parents in the trenches, these tensions can feel scary and unnerving. It’s not always clear how to find the balance between loving your teenager well and still being their parent, correcting the attitudes and behavior that may hurt them long-term while keeping a strong relationship.

Like all parents, I’ve done many things right and many things wrong. I’ve learned it’s possible to argue well and recover from mistakes if our hearts stay in the right place.

With that in mind, here are steps to take when tensions run high:

Let them have time alone in their bedroom if they want it. Since that’s the only room in the house that belongs solely to them, it’s important for them to have their own space to think, journal, pray, vent, listen to music, read, or talk to a friend who can help them untangle emotions.

Pray for clarity over the situation. Pray for guidance to work through the conflict. Don’t let your pride get in the way of restoring what’s been broken.

I used to ask myself, “If something terrible happened to my teenager tomorrow, would I regret this fight?” The answer was always yes. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger—or get so focused on winning that your heart turns cold or apathetic toward your child.

Even if you and your teen are at odds, you can reaffirm your love for them. You can leave the door open for reconciliation.

Even when you disagree, putting yourself in their shoes and remembering yourself at their age can keep you from overreacting—or reacting in a way that makes your child shut down or puts a wall between you.

It’s possible to stay strong (and stand your ground) while showing compassion for your teenager’s feeling. Your empathy may sound like this:

“I know you’re upset with me, and I understand. I probably felt the same way at your age. But I promise I’m making this decision out of love for you. Your safety is my top priority, and I do not have peace with letting you do this. I’m trusting that instinct, and my hope is that one day, you’ll understand.”