An upset & a pivot

I got upsetting messages this week from two women (friends who met through… Michigan Girl) who told me I’m not offering enough MiGirl events for the membership. This year, I will host a total of 17 events. Um... I’m not sure how much more one person can do? 😂

It’s hard to deal with some people expecting “Amazon” output from a local business literally built by hand - in person and with actual human touch.

I had already made some plans for 2027 for MiGirl and these two messages solidified the plan. I need this biz to stay fun and happy. I need to weed out people who don’t value what it takes to build local. I need a business that feeds me, not drains me.

I need to grab hold of joy again - the very spark that started Michigan Girl.

And the luncheons have been a wonderful, fresh surprise. There’s something about those events being “professional” - no one is trying to shame me for making a living using my time, gifts and energy. It’s sad - but I often feel that is the case with the time and effort I put into planning hikes and bikes… I have removed more than one woman from the MiGirl group for hassling me for charging for my time and effort.

Some women feel they shouldn’t have to pay because they can do a hike on their own -and they can and they should. But I am not offering “a hike” - I am offering a community. They walk, talk, drink, eat and laugh with a group of women who they would not otherwise have met, on a trail they might not know, with the safety and joy of a leader setting an inclusive tone. A place to make new friends.

The two women who emailed me did so on the same day I saw a pic on FB - of them hiking together with friends met via MiGirl.

Can I just say to them: YOU ARE WELCOME.

Because friendships ARE the beauty of MiGirl. I have made SO MANY delightful friends that I would never have met. I have a new “tribe” - and we often meet outside of the group… but the group is where our friendships started.

I love the hikes and have a full fall schedule lined up, but I know next year will look different. It has to. And I’m actually excited. There will be no membership and fewer events - and instead I will offer quarterly luncheons and pop-up hike and bike events, plus whatever else new I cook up. But I simply can’t do 17-25 events a year like I have for the last 5 years.

Instead, I want to build events where women come who want to ADD TO IT (as many women do in MiGirl!). They make the events fun and happy and laughter-filled. But I am tired of those who come and look at me and wait to be entertained. They are the same ones who say I’m not doing enough.

Instead, I love being with women who are building and supporting each other in their endeavors. There is something delicious about being with women who bring energy - instead of expecting someone to hand theirs over.

And getting those two messages this week was just the push I needed to say it out loud.

It’s one thing to say I can’t please everyone, but it’s another to sit here and realize that maybe I’m not even pleasing myself anymore. I’m sick of smiling in the face of rude comments after all the literal sweat and love I have put into this. The new 50-something Kandace is ready to do some house cleaning! And I think it’s only going to make Michigan Girl stronger and happier.

I already feel a new lightness coming into my events… I’m realizing that I don’t have to keep doing the same thing over and over. I will fulfill this year’s membership calendar, but after that, it will be wide open - and exciting to see what comes next.

For one, the luncheons are a new joy for me - with an Oct. 1 HRT luncheon on the calendar (a topic picked from my sweat once again - literally HAHA). And the first luncheon in June with a startling 95 attendees made me realize there are all kinds of things I could do with this community. There’s no telling! It has reignited what’s ahead for MiGirl in the best ways!

And - side note - there is a delicious underpinning in my life that makes this decision to reformat MiGirl even clearer - I’ve been working on my book, TWIN. In it, I am writing from my own POV on twinship, the good and the bad, and giving my voice room to be heard in ways it never was as a twin.

There’s something empowering in writing MY story that is changing how I feel about MiGirl. It’s no longer about making more events to please more people. What matters to me now is how I will use my gifts and talents in ways that I am not willing to defend anymore.

It’s WILD to think I’m sitting here being asked to defend only 17 events, when there is so much I do with my life and talents that build community and bring joy! I wasn’t going to announce the changes in MiGirl until this fall, but it’s time and my excitement is only mounting. New things are ahead in the best way!!!

ALSO. This is proof that if you tick off a writer, she will WRITE. 🤣