Passion, Meds, Mascots, Serving

I went to my first Passion service on Thursday. I was in the car before I went home, a little gutted, needing silence, trying to process my feelings. “Welcome to the seasons of my life,” I heard, in one of the voices I don’t know to be one of my own internal voices. This one was different; it was one I had only heard maybe once, maybe twice, and it felt like Jesus.

I have been lowkey thinking about living in seasons, but with an eye for how my own body and mind have seasons. I’ve never really understood Lent, but I tried something new with my friend Sarah this year, and I expanded over those 40 days. I learned how to give myself more grace and to be more honest about my energy capacity.

I want back the energy I had when I was surviving on adrenaline, alcohol, energy drinks, and terribly abusive self-talk. Parts of me think I should be that energetic, that I’ll grow into that again. But that’s what got me a flat cervical disc, unable to use my hands. I will never have that back, thanks to God. I want to let The 3 teach me how to be loving to my body, not abusive.

We’re covering Atomic Habits by James Clear in Group Coaching. I am using those tips to make good habits in better ways and am having success! Having a Plan B for when I don’t feel like doing the thing, trying to celebrate little successes better, and “become a reader, don’t just read a book,” are the best ones for me right now.

Both of my ADHD medications got raised doses over the past two weeks. The first med, to combat RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), is already working well. I was told I was actually pleasant to be around in the mornings since that one was increased. I feel less reactive, more focused, and more positive. Perceived slights are way down. I haven’t had any close calls with meltdowns.

I needed that increase a year ago, but American healthcare for people living in poverty is wack, and I had to wait a year to get a psychiatrist appointment. Having this improvement feels like another lease on life. It’s huge. I am so grateful for the flawed insurance that I receive. If I had no meds at all, I would be in a terrible state.

I had two days of training for the upcoming Kairos Outside Weekend, and it never ceases to amaze me how powerful this is. My life has been changed, my compassion deepened, and my own feelings of being loved and accepted have increased so much.

I was asked to do the Anger Talk. This is always a funny thing, because the person who gets that talk is always the one who needs it most. Yes, our Talks help the Guests, but writing it, presenting it to the Team, then to the Guests is deep healing work. And I’ve had a lot of anger this past year, some of it justified, some of it otherwise.

I’m finishing up a mascot job, Queen Dolly alpaca, alarmed by the clippers. I can’t wait to show you. I hope to finish outlines on the color version Saturday morning. I create characters for businesses that could use a fun way to connect with their audience without having to make themselves the focus. I draw and color them by hand, scan them, clean them up, and turn them into digital files that can be logos, t-shirt designs, put on tote bags, or mugs. I love creating characters!

I’m about to turn my sketch into a 3’x 4’ fabric banner for the upcoming Kairos Outside Weekend. I cleared out my work area yesterday and have a giant piece of paper to turn into a pattern. That white expanse, covering the entirety of my work table, is so enticing. I can’t quit glancing at it and wanting to start. I love making banners! This will be my third one, and I’ve learned so much. This one will be my best, I hope.

One of the new habits I am trying to make is coming here every week to write. Hopefully, I’ll be back next week! I hope your week is beautiful.