Taking a Shot at Your Bliss

They say if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s a lie.

All the things I love to do are hard work. I’ve been a martial artist for twenty-six years, and no workout has been easy. Sure, relatively speaking, some days are harder than others, but they are never not hard.

I wrote the first draft of my second book in a few days, but it certainly wasn’t easy. I think my publisher was in shock. I stayed up into the night, typing while eating meals at the computer. I was obsessed and energized, so the work breezed by, but it was still hard.

Anyone who has ever made a business out of their passion will tell you it takes hard work to manifest a vision. Even if it’s what you live for, to succeed, you have to commit. Often, that means you have to keep going when you want to quit. That thing you love can become a drag really quickly when the pressure is on.

And there isn’t much more pressing than your future. Every new endeavor carries the aura of uncertainty that makes it scary. If you decide to make a career out of what you love, there’s a chance you’ll end up hating it halfway through the process.

When I was opening my first business, a martial arts academy, combat sports were my life. I quit my job and poured all my energy into making the endeavor a success out of the gate. I thought it would be smooth sailing because I’d thought it all out and laid out my plan in detail. Still, life had other plans.

Problems with the space, the lease, and equipment soon followed. Loans fell through. I wanted to give it up and go back to working for a paycheck.

Luckily, I had the reassurance of my then fiance to help me through. That, and the idea that I dreaded the prospect of going back to exchanging my time for money kept me from throwing in the towel.

When I was younger, I had a habit of only seeing the glamorous parts of any project. The hard work in the middle to make a vision a reality was far from my mind. I could conceive of an idea and the potential rewards, but I was missing the meat of it.

I’d draw up logos and business plans, find spaces, and fantasize about profits, but I wouldn’t think about the grind in the middle. That’s where things are really accomplished – in the dirt.

When I had the idea to write my first book, I sold the business that took me years to plan and build so I could completely switch gears. I wanted to return to my first love. I pictured book covers and tours, saw myself signing copies, and imagined the blurbs praising my work. Not a page had been written yet.

Part of the problem has been ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder makes it difficult to project into the future. It’s hard to think about all the steps necessary to achieve a goal. You only see the conception and final product in your mind.

And without the reward circuits in your brain firing, it’s tough to keep going. There is no reward yet in the middle of a grueling process. There is only more work ahead. When you can’t quite see the finish line yet, you don’t believe it’s worth going on.

Eventually, I got to writing my first draft, first by hand so that I could let out all the emotional garbage I had pent up. After I’d filled a couple of notebooks with chicken scratches, I was ready to start typing. It took a year to finish. Then came the editor.

I paid someone to tear the manuscript apart, and they obliged. I had a lot of work left to do. It would mean starting again from page one, with stacks of research on subjects I knew nothing about. I found the crux of the work wasn’t even done yet.

I had to reignite my excitement for the project. I’m bipolar, and when my hypomania is triggered, I can work all night. One of my major episodes happened while I was studying brain function for my first book. So while ADHD slowed me down at first, the subsequent hyperfocus and bipolar helped me get the work done.

Bipolar disorder is also a big reason why I get so initially excited about a potential endeavor. I envision all these possibilities at once, and simultaneously see myself as limitless. I can take on anything and be sure it will succeed. No obstacle seems too great.

During my worst bipolar episode, I was convinced I’d discovered the secrets of the universe. I believed I’d been through a sudden spontaneous enlightenment that opened my mind to what other people couldn’t see. I thought I was going to change the world.

It was quite a letdown when I realized I was delusional. The glimpse of ultimate empowerment I’d gotten made regular life disappointing and bland. I wondered if every time I met life with overwhelming enthusiasm was just a flood of deceptive chemicals running through my system.

One of the symptoms of bipolar is taking risks. Sometimes those risks are illogical. Sometimes they are risks that other people wish they would take. Believing in myself enough to quit my job and open a business made sense because I had the qualifications, connections, and resources to make it a reality. When I quit to write, there was no logic in sight. It was just a gut feeling.

And gut feelings are sometimes all we have to go on. Sometimes, things don’t make sense. Everything could be pointing in one direction, but you insist on going in another. Should you follow your heart?

My martial arts sensei would always tell me to follow my bliss. Writer Joseph Campbell said the same thing. But so few people have the chance to do that. The real world steps in. Bills need to be paid. There’s rent, groceries, and college to pay for. Bliss is put on the back burner.

I’ve tried telling myself that I might have to do something I hate to make a living, but I just can’t do it. I think about my deathbed, and what it will feel like to know I settled. I worked my butt off to make someone else rich, or I devoted my life to something I didn’t believe in. I couldn’t live or die with that.

So I’ve taken chances that could land me in the poorhouse, and did. I’ve had to dig my way out of a hole and reimagine my life. More than one dream has gone by the wayside, and I’ve failed more times than I care to count. But I can’t stop trying. I have to take the risk. Otherwise, I can’t see the point of any of it.

Now, I’ve got a new business on the horizon. The plan is written, and I’ve got my first couple of investors on board. All the experience and maturity I’ve developed since opening my first academy is making this time more exciting than ever. I know the hard work that’s ahead, the pitfalls and possible calamities, and this time, I’m ready.

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