I’ve made an impulsive decision. One I am not too proud of yet I hold fondness for myself. I took time to reflect on my personal romantic relationships. What wasn't fulfilling me and the areas I needed less but wanted more from. I noticed that in my reflection I was able to take the time to notice my true fulfilling needs and that is the happiness that I create within myself. As someone independent, you can sometimes feel overwhelmed and get carried away by new and exciting relationships which can feel confusing when it feels like it also jeopardizing your autonomy. I may be coming from an avoidant place where routine and commitment may feel incredibly intimidating, yet I can’t help to feel I just haven’t taken the full time to work on the things I should’ve worked within myself in order to feel fulfilled alone.
So how can you approach intimacy from a distanced perspective? The real truth lies in how you can meet your own emotional needs. The things you feel you need to carry in order to feel like you’ll be okay no matter what.
After my breakup in January I’ve been acting from a guarded place. Not fully allowing myself to blossom in fear that whoever I show myself to will end up in some sort of destruction. Even at times in my friendships, I’m beyond selective and have a hard time getting personal. I often fear they will hold my fears and walk away with them. How can I make sure I can fully trust someone? I can’t. I’ve learned that vulnerability is a strength not a weakness. I’m working on letting that part of myself out, even if it’s so hard.
The worst is a feeling of limerence. When you indulge in the obsession of someone’s attention to the point it affects your moods. Acknowledge the place you’re coming from and the pace of the intensity of your feelings. If you feel too much too fast, take a step back and look at the full picture. Think in terms of what you can do to take an emotional step back. Introspection is a gift. Self-reflection is not something we often prioritize, sometimes impulse takes over and momentarily feels good, later hurting the progress. It’s okay to take time to think things through and it’s okay to make another not so great decision. It’s part of life. It may not always feel good but I’m sure it’ll feel necessary with time.
I’ve said before, I admire heartbreaks. Growth is necessary for us, and feeling unpleasantries is okay. I feel good after my breakup after so long. If destruction occurs again, I know I’ll be okay. I don’t want to willingly hurt myself, but it won’t be the end of the world if I do.
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