People often ask me what destroys relationships. They’re expecting me to say affairs, or poor communication, or children, or mismatched libidos - and sure, those things can create real challenges. But after more than 14 years working as a sexologist and relationship coach, the biggest mistake is way simpler than any of that: people stop investing in their relationship.
We live in a world that constantly encourages us to improve ourselves. We invest in our careers, we hire business coaches, we go to the gym, we listen to health podcasts, read books about money, spend thousands of dollars renovating our homes. And yet the relationship we say is one of the most important parts of our life often gets whatever energy is left over at the end of the day.
And often, we assume love will carry us. But it won’t. Love is the foundation - but it isn’t the whole house. A thriving relationship requires attention, skill, curiosity and devotion. That’s why I highly recommend couples to stop doing these six things:
Your children matter. Your career matters. Your friendships matter. But if your relationship is always at the bottom of the list, don’t be surprised when the connection starts to fade. Relationships don’t thrive on leftovers. Full stop.
Most couples seek help when they're barely having sex, constantly arguing, or one person is already halfway out the door. But a musician doesn't wait until they've forgotten how to play before they pick up the instrument again. They practise consistently and master it, even when nothing feels urgent - because that's what keeps mastery alive. Your relationship deserves the same devotion!
One of the biggest myths we’ve been sold is that chemistry either exists or it doesn’t. I don’t believe that’s true. Attraction is something you create - through presence, through play, through novelty, through curiosity. It isn’t passive.
Many couples spend years discussing logistics: who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner, have you paid the electricity bill. Important conversations, yes - but they’re not the conversations that create intimacy. Talk about your fantasies, your fears, your dreams, the version of yourselves you’re both becoming. That’s where relationships become alive again.
They’re your partner, not your psychic. One of the sexiest skills you can develop is learning to clearly communicate what you desire - not through criticism, not through hints, but through honesty.
Love matters deeply, but so does communication, emotional maturity, self-awareness, erotic intelligence, and the willingness to keep learning. Long-term love isn’t sustained by feelings alone. It’s sustained by the choices you make every day.
Which brings me to one final point: please stop hoping your sex life will magically get better. It won’t. Not because anything is wrong with you, but because great sex, like anything worthwhile, is a craft. You learn it. You practise it. You devote yourself to it. The couples with the deepest intimacy aren’t necessarily the most compatible. They’re the ones who never stop learning each other.
If you’re reading this thinking, I want more than “fine.” I want a relationship that feels deeply connected, playful and alive - then I think you’ll love the Sexual Artistry 2.0 Masterclass, available inside SexLife™. This isn’t about learning a few new techniques. It’s about becoming the kind of lover who knows how to create extraordinary experiences, year after year. Because your relationship deserves more than hope. It deserves your devotion.
Lots of love, Juliet x
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