A hundred dreams

And I realize that I am making it. That I have made a lot of progress from the list of a 100 dreams written in September of 2023 in Mulu Village, Sarawak, Malaysia. I wrote it sitting in a porch alone. On a notebook that I was gifted in Japan. One of those notebooks I treat with care, measuring every kind of input I use to fill those blank pages. At times, going all wild for writing some random notes.

I wrote that list surrounded by nature. In a little cabin, in one of those accommodations that is small and familiar. Where the owner is the one that shows you around. Where his brother comes with a little boat and with some durians he picked up from a tree sharing them with the three of us. In a place where life goes at a different pace. Where people have all the time to talk, know their neighbours, greet them and sit down for hours to tell you stories about their lives. Travelling alone has given me so much just writing these words makes me fill up with a feeling of connection with humanity.

Going in the direction that you want is a fluid concept. Where you want to be today and the occupations you want to have on a daily basis might not be the same as the ones you had some years ago.

Eight years ago when the internet looked completely different and it was filled with blogs of people sharing insights into their lives, I got to know a concept. There were people making a living in the internet, it was accessible for everyone. But what was captivating my attention the most was that there were people travelling longer term. You didn't necessarily have to go to a an office for the whole year to get a few days of vacation. This opened my mind to a new set of possibilities for living life. Travelling meant I could stay in a place, to get to know a culture in one of the best ways, with time. Discovering the “normal” for a certain group of people bit by bit.

That seed was planted while I was doing an intership in the middle of nowhere in Germany. Where I realized that even though I imagine my life in a place in a certain way, that doesn't necessarily mean that it is going to match the image I build in my mind. That sometimes life surprises you in a tough way and the lessons you learn are huge even though you wouldn’t want to learn from them from an uncomfortable phase.

Life shapes you more from those tough moments. Because we look for comfort, we want to be at ease.

Years went by. That dream was in my mind like a lighthouse that kept giving me reminders of the direction I wanted for my life. I bought the backpack for my trip years before buying any one way plane ticket. I knew it was a good possession for keeping me closer to the dream. In some way I chose to be a developer because of the lifestyle I could have. My experiences in German offices didn't fill me with daily joy and purpose. I did a web development bootcamp and I enjoyed programming more than I expected. So I kept pivoting my life slowly but steady getting closer to my dream.

After some years as a developer and a pandemic afterwards, I felt it was the right moment. Stars were not going to align. That dream had gotten big in my mind, it was taking a lot of space and I wanted to do something about it. My conditions were good, or so I thought at least. I had skills, some money to book that flight and multiple months of liquidity to take the step.

So I did. I decided to leave Germany. To start the whole process of leaving my apartment, my little peaceful corner. To be far from some of my friends that had become chosen family. And to finally book that one way ticket to Thailand.

Have a good week.

I love you very much world,

Julia