Are You a Highly Sensitive Person?

There are a few articles here on Suspense for Sensitive Readers that focus on being a sensitive person, or a highly sensitive person (HSP). There’s an article on why so many HSPs love books. Another article on highly sensitive people who love suspense and horror genres (raising hand here). And a more recent article on how I struggle with gore/violence in suspense books as a sensitive reader, with tips and tools for other HSPs who have similar struggles.

But when a commenter asked me recently, “What is a highly sensitive person?” it stopped me cold. What’s the good of sharing great suspense books for highly sensitive people if someone doesn’t know that’s what they are?

While doing a complete dive into what being a highly sensitive person means would take many articles (or complete books), this post will give you a solid overview of what being highly sensitive means. We’ll also cover what it doesn’t mean, and some basic tips and ideas of how to use your HSP strengths to their advantage.

Dr. Elaine Aron is considered the godmother of HSP research. She’s dedicated most of her career to studying and sharing information for individuals who have this trait and professionals (counselors, researchers, social workers, etc.) who work with them as clients.

Trait is the key word here. Being highly sensitive is a trait that one is born with, not a medical or mental health disorder. (Note: being an HSP is not the same as sensory processing disorder (SPD), which is a mental health issue.) Though it’s estimated that only about 20-30% of the population is highly sensitive, HSPs are present in both human and animal groups around the world.

Highly sensitive people are just that—often sensitive to lights that are too bright, noises that are too loud, scents that are too strong. If you think of a herd of gazelles, the ones who often spot danger first are likely highly sensitive.

Being highly sensitive might mean that someone is extra uncomfortable around violence or gore in stories. They might read or watch something that disturbs them, and then the imagery gets stuck in their heads for days, weeks, or even years.

HSPs are very often creative people. Musicians, artists, writers, potters, dancers, performers, craftspeople—the world of creatives is peppered with highly sensitive people.

• They tend to feel more deeply than non-HSPs (you might hear, “You shouldn’t take things so hard,” or “Are you still upset about XX?”

• HSPs tend to need more time and space to process “life”. Things that don’t bother others may deeply trouble an HSP. Or they might just need more time to puzzle things through.

• Unfortunately, HSPs have been told over and over again, “you’re too thin-skinned,” “you’re too sensitive,” or “you shouldn’t take things so seriously”. This is not only unhelpful but can make highly sensitive souls feel misunderstood, ostracized, or like there is something wrong with them.

• HSPs might have higher-than-average levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and find it difficult, if not impossible, to maintain a regulated nervous system. This is usually true in cases where highly sensitive people have undergone traumatic or dysfunctional family lives in their formative years.

• Sometimes, HSPs struggle to stay in balance emotionally because of their “big feelings”.

• HSPs are often really, really good at listening, understanding, and helping. They are the friends others call on when they need a nonjudgmental perspective. People often feel comfortable opening up to HSPs.

• As mentioned earlier, it’s often the case that a highly sensitive person is also a creative person. They can use these skills and abilities to help them process feelings, understand the world around them, and vent when needed.

It’s important to note that being a highly sensitive person doesn’t mean you are weak, unable to cope with life’s stresses, or that you’re broken or defective in any way. In fact, new research suggests that being an HSP actually creates more resilience, because HSPs usually have a rich inner life to help them through hard times.

HSPs also make great friends. Because you pick up on subtle cues, it’s easy for you to imagine or see how someone feels. You often go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and feel seen, heard, and valued.

Due to their creative natures, most HSPs are very interesting too! If you’re an HSP who is also creative, you might dazzle those around you with the music you make, the art you create, or the stories you tell. Your creativity might shine in your home, which is likely cozy and beautiful with little touches like fresh flowers and scented candles that make the space feel luxurious. Your wardrobe, which is probably comfortable, is likely also stylish.

Being an HSP makes it very easy to have empathy for others. Rather than a “special snowflake,” you recognize how hard life can be for every human and do your best to be kind, hospitable, and warm whenever you can.

An important skill for HSPs to have or develop is nurturing themselves. That means setting healthy boundaries, stepping back from the stimulation of normal life (noise, smells, sounds, sights) regularly to recharge. It might also mean you say no to more invitations than others in your circle.

I like to create white space daily and pre-plan it if possible. That looks like blocking out times in my weekly planner that literally says, “White Space”. During that time, I let my mood and energy level decide what would be most refreshing. Sometimes that’s reading a novel. Other times it’s making art, writing a letter to a friend, or journaling. Occasionally, I take myself to a thrift store, an art gallery, or a shop for an artist’s date. The only guideline I try to follow is to stay offline/off tech as much as possible.

One of the goals here on Suspense for Sensitive Readers is to share book (and occasional movie) recommendations for suspense, thriller, and horror books that might be enjoyed by highly sensitive people.

I hope this brief overview of what a highly sensitive person is is helpful to you. If you’re an HSP or have one in your close inner circle, I’d love to hear more about your experience or what tips I missed in the comments.

J.P. Choquette is the author of atmospheric, gothic-inspired novels. The themes of art, nature, and psychology are frequently found in her 11 novels, which have been downloaded nearly 25,000 times across multiple platforms. Buy her books on Amazon or learn more by visiting the author’s website.