i have everything i want

I turned 35 two days ago and I think — no, I know — that’s young.

Unlike many who feel the need to shy away from their age after turning 30 like it’s something to be ashamed about, I embrace it. I love being in my 30s. I love growing older. I love what the years in my life have brought me. I love surrendering myself to what’s to come instead of doing everything in my power to prevent it. Wrinkles and weight included.

Aging is a privilege and I know this first hand because 14 years ago, my life very easily could have ended. It’s not every day that I reflect on how lucky I am, but that feeling of luck and with it, gratitude, is something I have felt so deep down in my bones since.

I almost made a list of 35 material things I wanted for my birthday and typed that title on this same page I’m writing on and I sat there, staring at my screen wondering what I could sell you and sell myself. There are times for that (I guess) but this is not that time.

I got the most wonderful birthday text from one of the most wonderful people I know (halleta) and in it, she said: “I think everything you want in this life is absolutely yours.” And I genuinely feel like that. I really do feel like I have everything I could want.

I know it’s tacky to brag but that’s not my intention! I just think we all — myself especially — could do with more taking stock of the good in our lives. Because there is so much of it! Some more than others, of course, but my god, sometimes I think about the people who have everything — everything material anyway — and realize that having everything doesn’t really matter when you’re always so unsatisfied and wanting more.

I recently saw a post from Charnaie Gordon where she says she keeps a note in her phone called “Good Things are Always Happening to Me and for Me.” Every time something good happens — big or small — she adds it to the list. Then whenever she feels low, she scrolls through it to reminder herself that there is always good in life as long as we take the time to notice it.

In celebration of my 35 years on this earth, I want to start this list here and now so I, too, can have something to look at when I’m feeling down or like my life is lacking. I also want to take note of all the good that the years in my life have given me as a reminder to appreciate another one gained when my birthdays come around. If you feel like you may benefit from having your own list of good things, I hope this will encourage you to start one, too.

Below is my list of 35 Good Things with little to no context and in no particular order:

1. Becoming another year older

2. Coming out alive from a drunk driving crash that could’ve ended my life

3. Birthing a happy, healthy dream girl that I get to call my daughter

4. Meeting a random guy at The Bungalow in 2013 (on a night I was invited to go out when I was hoping to stay in with a boy I had a crush on) that I now spend my life and have created life with