Dr. Brenda Fann Katula knew how to recognize alcohol addiction in an exam room. As a family physician, she understood withdrawal, tolerance, trauma, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. But when alcoholism took over her own home, knowing the diagnosis did not tell her how to make her husband choose sobriety—or how to explain to their nine-year-old son why Daddy wouldn’t stop drinking.
The warning signs had been there while Brenda and her husband were dating. She bought a handle of rum expecting it to last for weeks. It disappeared in a weekend. The physician in her suspected he had a problem. The wife in her didn’t want that to be true.
Eventually, though, rum weekends turned into the stuff of movies.
A handle of rum a day. A blood-alcohol level that once reached 0.4, enough to kill some people, yet he was still talking and walking like “normal.” A rotation of liquor stores to not alarm anyone. Hidden garbage bags and garbage cans filled with empty bottles in the barn. Withdrawal that brought sweating, tremors, hallucinations, hospital stays, and an ICU admission that left him on a ventilator. Severe weight loss that left a 6’2”, 200-pound man weighting only 130 pounds.
One January, Brenda’s 13-year-old daughter made a heartbreaking observation: “I don’t think Daddy’s going to be here at Christmas.”
Unfortunately, she was right. He died over Memorial Day weekend.
In Part 1 of this two-part interview, Brenda gives us a front-row seat to what it’s like to be married to someone with an addiction. She explains the turning points that forced her to confront the truth of what was going on. She tells the story of finding him drinking rum and Coke at eight in the morning to hold off withdrawal. She explains what prompted a New Year’s Eve visit to the court house where she sought a restraining order. She even talks about the gaslighting and the crazy feelings she wrestled with.
Perhaps most importantly, though, she talks about how not even her medical training could “fix” her husband. He had to want it as well. Or at least want it and work for it.
“I was taught in med school and residency, you work hard, you don’t complain, you compartmentalize, you have emotional resilience, you get through these things,” she explained. “And I applied those same strategies to this marriage. But it doesn’t work. I can’t work harder at his sobriety than he is.”
That realization did not make Brenda passive. But it did make her aware: she could not choose recovery for someone.
Neither can we. We can’t save people; only Jesus can.
This episode is especially relevant and helpful for friends and family members of those struggling with active addiction who feel alone. And while you won’t find a magic formula, you will find a friend.
— Why a physician could recognize alcoholism in her patients but resist seeing it in her marriage
— How childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, and PTSD contributed to her husband’s drinking
— What a 0.4 blood-alcohol level revealed about the severity of his dependence
— How gaslighting caused Brenda to question her judgment and chase his accusations
— The three moments that forced her to admit something had to change
— How Brenda protected her children without teaching them to hate their father
— Why love, medical knowledge, and hard work could not produce his sobriety
— How recovering alcoholics in their church recognized the signs and showed up
Follow Brenda on Instagram: @brendafannkatula
Get Caroline Beidler, MSW’s book for loved ones, When You Love Someone in Recovery
Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
Follow me: Jonathon M. Seidl
Want a story you can relate to and a guide on how to take a step toward freedom? Order my book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
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Dr. Brenda K. Fann Katula, MD, MBA, FAAFP, is a family physician, mother, Bible study teacher, writer, and speaker pursuing a master’s degree in biblical and theological studies. Drawing on her medical training and her experience loving a husband who struggled with alcohol use disorder, Brenda teaches and speaks about addiction, faith, and strengthening families affected by a loved one’s substance use.
Note: Podcast episode summaries are created with the help of AI software that summarizes each episode and creates “show notes.” However, I edit every single one of them. AI should be a tool, not a replacement. (Also, I was using the em dash long before AI made it cool and popular, and I will continue to do so.)
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