Well, there I was, all bright and smiling and ready to being my vibemail! And then Substack have gone and added the option to link to a “prediction market” - a miserable place where White House staff members can make a quick forty grand by betting on how many times Donald Trump will say “sad” in his next tweet, or whether Talylor Swift will guff at The Oscars or how many bombs will drop before 11am on Mother’s Day. How did we get to this? Maybe it’s always been so, but technology does have a very special way of making you feel things are just getting worse and worse and worse.
I suppose we have to look to the people we interact with, those we know and love, or even just sit opposite on the train, and remember that by and large we are a decent bunch. I was thinking the other day, that in this constant stream of insanity and violence, I’ve only actually ever seen three or four punches thrown in my life. That’s not bad going, (though perhaps a result of the enormous privileges I have experienced in life). But I did used to go out and get lashed A LOT. Come to think of it, that doesn’t include punches thrown at me, which have thankfully been on the decrease since non-uniform day 1996. And back then the broad assumption was that if you would insist on wearing a tie-dyed Metallica shirt to school you had to surrender certain rights relating to personal space and not being punched. Ah well! I promise this Vibemail will get jollier!
He, His Venerable S’e’n, the Mighty and Irreproachable Lord High Johnny JR MP
PRESENT!
Well there’s a picture I probably shouldn’t be sharing! Though it’s very similar to what you may have seen before, now rendered in all it’s final, signed-off glory by the fantastic Jem Ward. And it’s not the only thing that’s signed off. The words are signed off. The full stops are signed off. Adjustments to remove something called a “dangling modifier” are signed off. Even the problematic opening sentence has been tweaked and - you guessed it - S’d O. And then there’s the small issue of 4500 signed copies that have (almost) been signed off. I’ve got about four hundred left to go and you can pre-order one of these signed copies here!
The book is out on the 7th May, which I know is still a fair whack away, but if you have ever wanted to contribute to the spread and enflourishment of #BrandRobins in any way, then pre-ordering the book is the best possible means by which to push forward my plans for world-domination / election as PM / getting booked on QI. I’m learning a lot about publishing, and as someone with an eye / ear / mouth / nose for detail, it turns out it’s all about the pre-orders BEBE! (Baby). You can also order from
And I daresay many, many more. You can also "pre-save” or “pre-buy” the audiobook (which I am recording next week!) on Spotify and Audible. If any of those links are problematic or do not align with your ethical preference, there is always the option to have a good old-fashioned Google. Many thanks for your support, sales are looking good and I’m incredibly humbled that there’s any interest at all, let alone PRE INTEREST.
Guests have been announced for the book tour as per below!
Book tours are slightly different beasts to stand-up, so I thought I would explain the format. Most of the events start at 7pm (London is 7.30pm I think). There will be two halves in which my guest host and I will talk about the book, read excerpts, and then take questions from the audience. Afterwards there will be a signing with an opportunity to buy the book but it’s also OK to bring your own copy if it has already arrived! You can also add the book to the cost of your ticket which gets you a small discount. There are a handful of tickets left for Liverpool and Manchester, and a couple of handfuls left for Edinburgh and Oxford. You can get them all here
I have just this very morning run round a lake for 10k and got a medal for my troubles! (Everyone got one so that’s no boast, and is also a very POSITIVE VIBE). Everyone should get a medal for everything really. Save maybe javelin and peace prizes (general). Here I am looking pleased as a plum next to the lake I conquered.
And despite my ankle doing its absolute utmost to put a halt to proceedings I shall be running / walking / hobbling the TCS London Marathon on 26th April. If you’re coming down to watch do say hi! (very loudly, from behind the barrier). If you have enough warning of my impending passing, perhaps by tracking me on the app they provide, then suggested chants are
“GO ON JOHNNY JR! YOU CAN DO IT! AND WITH NO SMALL AMOUNT OF PANACHE!”
“KEEP GOING HANDSOME!”
“NETFLIX DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE MISSING!”
If you would like to sponsor me I am achingly close to my ambitious target of £42,000 for Standing Together Against Domestic Abuse, just 1% to go! You can contribute here
Whatever pain I end up being in on the day, it is nothing in comparison to the pain endured by women and children living in fear, panic and constant physical, emotional and financial danger from the scourge of domestic abuse. It has, far too frequently, been left to women to come up with solutions to a problem caused (almost) entirely by men. A problem that men could eradicate in one second flat by taking responsibility for their emotions and reactions. So if you could give even a quid I would be forever grateful. And enormous thanks to those of you who have already donated. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, made entirely possible by you!
Isn’t it annoying when people on social media say they have exciting news but can’t tell you what it is yet? It always reveals them to be so desperate for attention, attention that is merely days away, but unable to control their desire for said attention even if it means telling you something which is, on reflection, entirely meaningless. So. With that in mind. I will not be doing that. Much. But. (Big but). Make sure you don’t unsubscribe from this mailing list in the next month. I might even suggest keeping an eye out for a future Vibemail. Probably the next one. Check your spam filters etc.
I’m off to meet dear Alex Horne for a coffee!
Oh joy! I got myself in a right grump at the start of this Vibemail and a lovely walk with Alex Horne has put things right again. Maybe not in the world at large, I doubt our coffee and cake will trouble the headlines, but a reminder to myself to tend the soil of my sphere of influence and keep plugging away! So thank you for reading my plugs!
In return for your patronage here are some albums I have enjoyed recently
Okonski - Entrance Music (superb jazz piano vibes in the realm of Bill Evans or Keith Jarrett)
Andrew Wasylyk - Irreparable Parables (Album of duets ft. Gruff Rhys, Stuart Murdoch and Field Music from a wonderful multi-instrumentalist)
36 & Zake - Stasis Sounds for Long-Distance Travel (Beyond chilled ambient / drone album that is like the background noise of a peaceful spaceship)
Mason Lindahl - Kissing Rosy in the Rain (Arresting, gloomy and melodic spanish guitar instrumentals from one of the best guitarists in the world - also, WHAT A TITLE!)
LOVE YOU BYE XXX
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