Dear Joey: Do you know how I can grow moss around my garden? —Howard H.
Yes, Howard, and I’m pleased to report that, unlike many gardening projects, this one does not require you to buy a $49.95 specialty tool with a name like the MossMaster 3000, which will then spend the rest of its life on a shelf in your garage making side remarks to your rake.
To grow moss around your garden, mix one cup Dannon Plain Yogurt, one cup water, and a handful of common lawn moss in a blender for thirty seconds—or until it looks like something that should not, under any circumstances, be spread on a bagel at brunch.
Then paint this swampy mixture onto flower pots, stones, garden ornaments, or other surfaces where you want moss to grow. You can also pour it between the cracks in a stone sidewalk.
Within a few weeks, you should start seeing attractive new moss decorating your planters or forming a green, velvety carpet between the stones, which also helps discourage weeds from taking root. The moss basically gets there first and calls dibs.
You are essentially making a moss smoothie and serving it to your patio. Concerned neighbors may stop walking their dogs and say, “Should we call somebody?”
This technique works because moss does not need much soil, enjoys damp places, and grows wherever it feels like it, especially if you’ve rolled out the yogurt carpet.
Moss is a low-maintenance plant. It does not demand fertilizer, pruning, or a personal life coach. It just wants moisture, shade, and quiet reassurance that nobody will attack it with a leaf blower.
The yogurt helps give the moss a friendly place to get started, while the water helps thin the mixture so you can spread it around. You may want to rinse your blender thoroughly afterward, unless you enjoy smoothies with a subtle top note of moss.
A word of warning: don’t expect any results if you paint this mixture on Mick Jagger or Keith Richards. A Rolling Stone gathers no moss. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
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