Dear Joey: I have a squeaky hamster wheel. What can I use to lubricate it that won’t be toxic to my hamster? —Beverly J.
First things first: your hamster is not “exercising.” Your hamster operates a tiny, all-night municipal transit system with the sole purpose of preventing you from sleeping.
To get rid of that pesky squeak, use the tiniest possible amount of plain vegetable oil, olive oil, or food-grade mineral oil on the axle or contact point, applied with a Q-Tips cotton swab.
Personally, I recommend Pam cooking spray, which, being edible, won’t hurt your hamster, but I don’t recommend blasting the entire wheel as if preparing a bundt pan for battle.
A quick spritz on the axle will do the trick.
Also avoid WD-40, bike lubricant, automotive grease, scented oils, essential oils, and anything whose label suggests it was designed for machinery. Those oils can be hazardous to your sweet little hamster.
After applying the Pam cooking spray, wipe away any excess, spin the wheel a few times, and observe whether the hamster immediately begins treating the axle like a salad bar.
If so, clean it off and consider replacing the wheel with a quieter model, because at some point you are no longer maintaining pet equipment. You are being held hostage by a creaky hamster-powered miniature Ferris wheel that generates insomnia.
The hamster should run smoothly. The wheel should not perform a violin solo.
And the Pam should remain, as nature intended, mostly in the kitchen.
After all, the Pam is meant to quiet the squeaky wheel, not turn it into cookware.
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