Starting in Autumn

This evening I begin. Opening the doors to my new online menopause community Gather. It feels odd to be starting in Autumn. Autumn is classically a time of letting go, shedding, surrendering. Sitting quietly in winter in contemplation and reflection, dreaming of what will reveal itself to us in the spring.

However, my decision to gather women in autumn was born out of the knowledge that autumn during menopause can feel very lonely. The body can start to reveal the first signs of embodied grief. Aches may show up along the lung and large intestine meridian lines. Front of Shoulder tightness can now develop into frozen shoulder accompanied by the classic statement from doctors and physios “Very typical problem in menopause”.

I would like to go further here. Asking instead. “Is the frozen should the problem or is the root cause of the problem all the years of grief that women have been too busy to address?” And now the body is saying “Enough”. Tears need to be shed, losses must be grieved and no more pressing pause on this. No more waiting.

Other women may notice their normally healthy digestive system start to become problematic as the large intestine also is now impacted by menopause. In Chinese medicine the breath and the bowel are intimately connected so when we decide to manage the breath to police the grief we in turn inhibit elimination.

Autumn also has a drying effect on the skin so menopausal woman now notice their skin starts to look more like crepe paper than skin. No matter how much moisturiser one applies the dryness appears unrelenting. Next nails cracking, hair splitting, eyes drying and and and.

So it is. Autumn yields the first loud calls of the menopausal journey. Grief must be felt or the menopausal alternative is heat, control or unrelenting anger. It will be unlike any grief most women have ever known. For once the grief tap is open the sadness can feel unrelenting and overwhelming. This is the shedding that menopause demands of us all.

I encourage menopausal women to use autumn as a time to grieve all the endings. The end of their reproductive chapter, their time in the sun professionally, their parents may be ailing, marriages failing, children leaving home. And here you are alone with yourself. Possibly for the first time since your teens. And do you even know who you are?Autumn is not the season to find the answer to that question. That is not what she is asking from you. She instead requires you to discover what you value. Truly value.

Autumn wants you to decide will you continue to cling onto an outdated stagnant version of yourself or will you willingly give it all away. For when winter comes you are going to need all of your energy to attend to the bones of you.

So this is why I chose to start Gather in autumn. So I can stand beside women as they make these brave choices. To help all women who have forgotten the words NO, ENOUGH, GOODBYE. To help them remember the words “I matter”.

Below are some questions I would like you to reflect on this autumn if you are in menopause.

What or who is draining you and do you know you need to walk away from?

What is precious and valuable to you? I don’t mean possessions.

When was the last time you cried?

Have you grieved your changing body?

What are you afraid to grieve?

Are you someone who worries about everything? What would your life look like if you were brave enough to trust.

If you would like to join my wonderful community of menopausal women in Gather

www.jodyvassallo.com/gather