On the right people making a huge difference in your life

Welcome to Notes. A very random type of piece I’ll be writing to expand(or rather think out loud) on any kind of singular thought that I had, a conversation, a quote, a tweet, or absolutely anything else. This will serve just as another small space to force me to write without worrying about any structure or goals whilst not digging deep into the idea either.

Having the right people in your life matters a lot. You can probably argue that this matters the most in life. I mean, it’s always been said that you are as good as the people you surround yourself with. Those people can shape a lot about you. They can make the biggest difference in just about every possible way.

The reason for this piece is that’s how I’ve been feeling the last four months since joining a new workplace. It happening at work is also funny in my case, considering the previous one was probably one of the worst. And recently, because of some other events in life and also simply because life has been more enjoyable, it has made me appreciate the people that I met a lot more. With some other stuff that had happened in these past few months, it has made me feel grateful, too. In hindsight, this was probably clear as soon as I joined the place, and it was only becoming clearer as I got to know everyone and it got more comfortable.

And all of this is something that I feel like you don’t notice how big of a difference it can make until you do meet those people because then, suddenly, everything feels better in different ways — some in very subtle ways.

Those subtle ways were what sparked a thought to write this piece. It was a random Friday night shift, and it was a rather chill one and a fun one. Shifts at this place have been more fun, but that’s also because I, in general, have felt more comfortable having fun and enjoying myself with other people. It’s a very small thing, but it was simply just dancing around, singing, chatting, and laughing. Very small, simple things — things that may feel common or rather a typical thing you would do with friends that you wouldn’t even bat an eye at. You may even think, why are you making a big deal out of that?

On a personal note. Although throughout school, university, or other places, I made many friends as a normal person would. I have had very close, good friendships that meant/mean everything to me. Developing close, intimate, vulnerable friendships isn’t and hasn’t been an issue. I love meeting and getting to know people.

But the one thing that I guess was either a struggle or something that I could never feel comfortable doing is fitting in with groups. I have met many groups of different friends, whether that was at university through my course, flatmates, friends of friends, or countless basketball teams. And at pretty much every turn, it was always feeling like an outsider or someone that simply doesn’t fit here. Sure, individually, some were great people that I got along with, but when it came to us as a group, that’s when it became different.

This hasn’t been the case here… and it has felt strange in a way. Maybe that says more about my past social relationships, but in a way, this has been such an unfamiliar thing that it has felt weird to actually feel comfortable, being able to be yourself, and enjoy spending time with everyone. I think I’m still getting used to it.

And all that has continued to show me how much the right people matter.

Because you are then able to open up as much as you can. You can feel comfortable being vulnerable and talking about anything that is bothering you without feeling like you can’t or shouldn’t. I have already opened up more to some people than I have to anyone else in my life, and I will forever be grateful for that.

There has been one main moment that really showed me this, and it probably was the most vulnerable I’ve ever been with someone — just trying to think about other instances, and I don’t think anything comes close. Because what’s crazier is that at that point, it wasn’t even two months, nor did we have some crazy, close relationship either, and the fact that it happened like this makes me appreciate them more than anything. With the right people, every wall that would’ve prevented you from opening up suddenly isn’t there. And what made it better is the feeling after doing so; there was no feeling of judgement, or hidden agenda, or thinking “shit, I probably shouldn’t have done this”.

I think this tops the list for reasons why having the right people is everything because then everything else becomes easier.

Again, on a personal note. Something that I have also struggled with(coming back to the feeling being unfamiliar) is showing affection and just general enjoyment. I have always been told that I’m quiet and reserved. But I guess that also just came down to never feeling comfortable with the people. This is still a work in progress here.

But with the right people, you can feel comfortable enjoying and being yourself without any reservation, needing to change, or trying to hide parts of yourself — another small, subtle thing that I used to hate to do is take pictures or videos(that’s why I don’t have any from university). That makes life more fun. You can go out and have fun at parties and dance. You can have fun in situations that otherwise would’ve been a chore, or it would’ve been less pleasant and made everything drag.

I felt this when I realised that I have made more memories with people in a handful of months than I did with anyone at university in three years. Again, another saying that is so true that time doesn’t matter at all in friendships or relationships.

All of this makes everything more enjoyable to a point where that is infectious in other areas.

You start to feel more confident in general, outside of just that friend group. It has a very good domino effect on the rest of your life in such a positive, meaningful way. That’s where the saying you are as good as the people around you comes in.

I feel like that has been a big reason why I felt comfortable enough to try a whole bunch of things that in turn led to me developing more friendships. I don’t know if I would’ve been going to parties alone before this place. It would’ve been something that I guess I wouldn’t be able to push through.

And then it comes in other areas, as everyone you’ll meet will have different views, different perspectives, different experiences, different goals, and different everything else. That is when the people you surround yourself with can push you towards certain directions. It can motivate you to do more. It can make you look at things differently, in a positive way. It can inspire you to try things you wanted to do but never could get going.

It can be a bit cliche to say but it can be life changing to meet the right people.

Recent events, even just this whole year in general, made me reflect on all of this. Some of it has really put things into a different perspective, and as mentioned at the start, you don’t realise how big of a difference it can make until it happens. And having been in my head about other things got me to appreciate everyone that I met even more, especially as I have got to know everyone more.

That’s really what this piece was about. It was sparked by a good thought from Friday, followed by a great Saturday night, and it just made me think more about everyone.

I know it’s probably easy to say that you just got to meet the right people, but I don’t think there’s anything else you can do outside of simply putting yourself out there in different situations and hoping for the best. I’m 25 and have been part of many, many, many different social circles but I never once felt comfortable enough the way I have been now(but to play devil’s advocate, maybe because I was reserved that I didn’t feel like fit in or connected but then on the other hand, everyone also made that feel easy, so who know what needs to come first).

I guess I will end it by saying to tell people in your life that you appreciate them.