Present tense

Already, three weeks in the States have come and gone. Today we fly back to Paris for the rest of the summer.

I don’t remember having a set definition of what I wanted to get out of this time. I just remember needing a break from my daily life in Paris. That being said, I knew I wanted to enjoy “vacation” and spend time with family and friends.

And in retrospect, it was successful in every way.

There was New York, where I was with my family but still very much working. There was Washington, D.C., where we went to visit family. And then there was Wildwood, our actual beach vacation (the one that was supposed to be the most relaxing of them all).

New York was never really going to be a vacation. It was also the end of calling it home for a while, which I talked about in my previous Substack.

Now, looking back at this part of the trip, I’m actually really excited to experience a different version of NYC. While I have loved what I’ve called home in New York for the past ten years, I’ve realized more and more the guilt that comes with traveling there with my family and staying in our apartment. When I’m in NYC, I want to be out hustling, trying new things, seeing people. But when I’m out, I’m not with Jane or Ronan. It makes it much harder to be present.

D.C. was arguably (and technically) where I felt the most relaxed. That was the sweet spot.

The Four Seasons has a fantastic wellness offering. I was able to do contrast therapy literally every day because they have an infrared sauna and cold plunge, complimentary for hotel guests. Non-guests can book treatments as well, and they also offer IV drips and other wellness services.

I did a Mat Pilates class at THE MVMNT Society, which was fantastic. Highly recommended.

But my ultimate D.C. wellness recommendation is Pure Sweat + Float. I tried a magnesium float for the first time, which is essentially floating weightlessly in water filled with 1,000 lbs. of magnesium-rich Epsom salt. It helps with everything from stress and sleep to muscle recovery and deep relaxation, and I loved the experience. Afterward, I did an infrared sauna, which was arguably the nicest one I’ve ever been in (even nicer than the one at the Four Seasons). They give you fitness accessories if you want to move while you sweat, and there’s even Netflix with a TV you can actually hear from inside the sauna.

These may sound like small details, but they aren’t small to me.

I like waking up and having somewhere I want to walk to. I like moving my body. I like having a plan, even if the plan is very small. Having access to the things that make me feel good actually gives me the space to relax.

After D.C., we went to Wildwood, where we spent a few nights at the beach. No meetings. Very little work I had to do. A hotel on the beach. Family. Nothing urgent.

This was supposed to be the real vacation.

And I found it the hardest. I didn’t feel present.

Working out meant buying a day pass at a gym that I had to drive to. The only viable coffee (which was actually really great) was walkable, but closed at 2 p.m. and earned me a lot of shade from my family for going there every single day.

I had the beach, a hotel and nowhere I needed to be, but that wasn’t what I needed.

This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy Wildwood. I loved being with my family. I loved the ocean. But it made me realize that what looks like a vacation and what feels like a vacation to me aren’t necessarily the same thing.

I have always thought that I should be better at doing nothing. But maybe that’s just what I’ve been told. That if I could learn to completely switch off, lie by a pool for hours, not look at my phone, not work, not exercise, not think about what comes next, it would mean I had finally figured out how to relax.

For me, I’ve learned that that’s not actually the goal.

A Pilates class can be more restorative to me than four hours lying by a pool.

Walking around a city can make me feel calmer than sitting still.

Having somewhere I want to go in the morning can feel more freeing than having absolutely nowhere to be.

And getting a little bit of work done can sometimes allow me to be much more present for the rest of the day than forcing myself not to work while thinking about it anyway.

Saturday was the Lion’s Gate Portal, 8/8 (and also, 2+6=8). I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to call more of into my life for the rest of the year.

And I think this trip gave me a little more clarity.

It made me pay attention to what gives me energy and what takes it away. To the environments where I feel most like myself. To what I naturally gravitate toward. And, ultimately, to what makes me feel most present.

So if I’m setting any intention coming out of 8/8 and these three weeks away, it’s probably to do more of what makes me feel like myself.

Maybe that’s what I am calling vacation (for myself), too.

Enjoy the rest of your summer,

xx,

JJ