on leaving home and being loved anyway

(honest reflections)

My mom and I share similar routines. We’re morning birds. We love our breakfast, coffee sips, and chats before starting the day. Nothing changes when we get to share these rituals when I visit.

A few years ago, work gave me an opportunity to move across the continent.

So what has that been like, now that I’m long distance from my family?

“You know I also moved away from my family in Hong Kong at an age younger than you.”

I don’t know why, but it never really hit me to think about that fact. My mom was in her early twenties. She has been long distance from her family for over thirty years.

At first, I felt excited and free. I was having so much fun, so many highs and lows. Funnily enough, as I grew older, I started constantly updating my parents. Our relationship became stronger. There was trust, respect, and I was no longer being asked for updates — the roles had reversed. I wanted to share with them.

Over time, when I hit rough patches or when I get sick, I think of my family first. I miss it.

And I am fortunate that my company has an office in my hometown, so trips back are always approved and I can work there when I visit.

Even with all the freedom and opportunity, there was still guilt underneath it.

The sacrifice I am making to experience life in other places comes at the cost of being away from my own.

I sat with that guilt for a while.

The guilt slowly faded as I realized that when you learn to communicate, and be present with the time you do have, distance feels less harsh.

For the foreseeable future, I will most likely not live in Vancouver.

Many people ask me if and when I would move back. My answer is consistently: probably when I settle down and have a family.

I would love for my kid(s) to be near my parents.

My parents now visit Asia twice a year, and even then they say it’s enough time spent with their families. That reassures me, and I am so grateful my parents are chill and understanding. They value their freedom and my own.

All in all, how you choose to experience life is your choice. You make a choice and roll with it. But having a family that backs and supports you makes me feel so loved and privileged.

Privileged that my parents never guilt me.

We are able to have these open conversations about guilt, shame, and upsetting situations.

See you in the next note,

– Janice

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