apologies for the late night email but i just uploaded my first vlog that took me a whole month to edit so i simply cannot wait another minute to share it

The word vlog is so misleading. It sounds simple. But thinking of a narrative, filming clips to support this idea, feeling uncomfortable recording yourself in public, editing videos of yourself as you say “like” and “um” more times than you’re comfortable with, sifting through hundreds of videos, finding music that conveys a calming tone, editing to feel engaging, fingers cramping, doing this all in iMovie then having to export because CapCut has different features like being able to add captions and make text pop up without weird transitions, picking fonts, finding visual references because those always help me when I’m watching talking head videos, resizing, re-editing, recording voiceover, captioning, re-checking the caption transcript for spelling and timing, making a cover image, and finally finally exporting for the 5th time— this is not vlogging.

This is filmmaking.

And even if there are things I still need to figure out— like exporting without taking up 3 GB of storage on my computer and how to make all the visuals look consistent— you’ll see in the first few minutes why I’m gravitating towards vlogging as an artform.

It’s confronting to edit yourself, but it’s also healing.

And I want future me to look back and remember what I did, remember that even during times of hardship, I chose to live. And fight for my right to stay alive.

Making this vlog was a huge lesson in accepting imperfection. But perfection is such a high standard to aim for. I’d rather go for honesty. And if I measure myself by the honesty I infused into my process, I’m very very very proud of myself.

This was also a lesson in reflection— seeing myself compassionately, romancing my life as it is, working with the tools I currently have, and being okay with where I land.

But seriously…if you know any fun iMovie hacks or if you know how to use CapCut and have tips, leave a comment. Watch me improve with each episode because— we get better at anything we practice.

🎺 I now present to you 🎺 THE FIRST EPISODE OF JEZZLANDIA!!!

Thank you immensely for your time and support, it really does fuel me.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗