Snippets of spare time

I keep finding myself with bits of time to spare here and there these days. It’s not really enough proper time, such as a whole free day, to do anything enjoyable or exciting - like go to the Bullring in Birmingham shopping and grab lunch, or take a train to a new city. Instead it’s more small pockets of time scattered here and there.

Although this sounds great, in reality they’re actually quite hard to organise to do anything with anyone. When you’re a bit all over the place, grabbing an hour or so here and there randomly, you can’t really do anything meaningful with it. They’re more bits of space in between other life things.

Like waiting for the kids to do their homework at night. Or hanging around town for an hour waiting for someone to finish school / their club. Or maybe even when working from home and having that bit over lunch. I’m finding myself feeling in parts lonely, in parts lost, in parts bored.

This is hilarious though to think I’m at this stage of parenting and life now because omg I would have literally given anything to be this more free over the last decade. When the twins were super little I had absolutely zero spare time to think, or take proper breaths - so to be here now in this phase is weird, and funny. It’s that I’m getting more and more freedom of my own coming back, like I had pre-children. And yet I’m still not fully off duty for any decent length of time because there’s still dinner that needs making or a bit of kit that needs washing or a lift required.

Anyway, what I’ve decided to do with this new found micro time - because it has been driving me nuts just filling it with more cleaning and scrolling Insta (oh god the scrolling) - has been to go to a cafe, even if it’s just for an hour and write something like this. Or, to allow myself to wander round M&S, look at and buy nice clothes and food. Sometimes just walking amongst crowds of people and knowing in your head that you could buy something if you really wanted to, is enough of a small pleasure. The same as sitting in a cafe, sipping an expensive coffee.

Because I’ve always been too productive for my own good I did have a moment where I wondered ‘should I start a business, or have a side hustle, or do something worthwhile’ - like 98% of people online seem to be doing. But in truth I haven’t got the energy for any of that anymore. I’ve enough going on with a full-time job etc that I’ve got no desire to fill the time with more hard work. In fact, that tenacious former drive and ambition I had through most of my 20s and 30s seems to have very much left the building.

I’m actually not moaning at this new found freedom at all. I might be a little sad that my kids don’t want to hang out with me and that family life is more fragmented, but it is what it is. I think you have to lean into these things and take what you can.

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image via Pinterest