Adoption thoughts, pt. 2

Many of you know some of the details of our four-year adoption process.

After all, I shared a compilation of our own journey in my last post.

But did you read the fine print of how we lost over $22,000 due to the corruption from an American, self-proclaimed Christian who was pocketing perhaps millions of raised dollars for the “poor babies in Malawi?” Did you read that the corruption went all the way up to our multi-million dollar previous adoption agency? Praise God justice is being served with the American being brought to trial this month as well as the agency being shut down entirely. But the effects are still there.

Do we step entirely away from the brokenness we’ve experienced in adoption?

At what point do we leave?

How long do we stay?

Do we ban international adoption all together?

There are no black and white answers here, though many would disagree with me. There are entire organizations or advocacy groups fighting to end international adoption all together, and oftentimes for good reason as they seek necessary change and safety for first families and children. Our priority is always first families to be given the chance to keep their children.

Where there is evil, we must fight back with truth and justice.

I questioned whether or not I should be this open about all of these questions and doubts. They had taken almost permanent residence in my head, and I’ve been forced to come face to face with the realities while fighting for what felt like my life and my possible future child’s life on my knees in prayer.

But I have felt convicted that the vulnerability here will perhaps help us all with the nuances of a life on mission with the Lord, no matter if it’s in the ethics of your business, in the everyday decisions you have to make as a follower of Christ, in your own church family or forms of serving, or foster care and adoption.

I have no perfect answers. But I’m more ok with that now. The Lord is gracious and an ever-present help for us all as we navigate such complexities. So, continue reading with me to wrestle alongside our family with our own journey of how we decided to still press on in our Malawian adoption. I don’t expect the conclusion to be the same for every person and family. But this is how we came to ours.

//

When needing to save and raise money yet again for the second and third rounds of our adoption, people close to us asked, Have you done your due diligence this time? Can we trust our money will go to ethical practices?

I understood the questions and concerns. We of course had asked them ourselves! Yet it still deeply stung. Oh, how we had held those same questions in our shaky hands and analyzed every angle, wondering how we went wrong and if it would happen again if we continued through another small adoption agency working with Malawi.

God calls us to obedience, to caring for the widow and the orphan, yes. He also calls us to do everything in wisdom. To be as innocent as doves and wise as serpents. To seek the counsel of others.

With every setback, therefore, we placed the next unsure steps at his feet, and the church’s, and we begged— Lead us. Help us.

So our answers to those questions were simple, yet entirely nuanced.

Had we done as much as we possibly could to ensure these adoptions and agencies were “good?” As much as we were able, yes. However, we thought we had done the same previously with our first adoption agency. We asked all the questions. Did all the research. Checked in on concerns yet tried to also give the benefit of the doubt. Yet the brokenness prevailed. There was no promise something wouldn’t go wrong again.

Could we make certain it all wouldn’t happen once more? That every member involved in our adoption’s process was perfectly pure and that decision-making was not wrapped in ill-intentioned barbed wire?

Here’s the gut punch about adoption, along with so many areas where we seek to be conduits of God’s grace here on earth: We will never be able to guarantee those answers.

Despite good people’s best efforts at adoption and foster reform, of learning from others’ or our own mistakes, and educating ourselves on best practices, there will always be sin that entangles and taints where God and His people are at work.

But going back to the questions I posed at the beginning of this post— Does that mean we step away entirely?

When the pastor betrays or the church member lets us down, do we walk away from the Church all together?

When the immigrant breaks the law, do we build a wall to keep everyone out, just in case?

When we are tricked by that person in need, do we stop caring for people because we may get taken advantage of once more?

Dear friends, I’ve been there. Too many times. And how the enemy would love to see us become hardened and cynical! To cocoon ourselves into only the safest practices where nothing could go wrong.

How tempting it is to barricade ourselves from the world on fire so we won’t get burnt in the process.

But that’s not the kind of life to which God has called us.

We seek wisdom. We fight for change where it is necessary and learn from others’ mistakes. We repent where we’ve gotten it wrong ourselves. We pray against bitterness.

But we never, ever stop.

I know someone else who might know a little something about fighting for creation, for good, and for true justice and was also let down along the way (to say the least).

Yet He went all the way to the cross for people who rejected Him; who denied Him after years of calling Him Lord and friend; who twisted the truth of his life, death, and resurrection for their own gains; who used the Lord’s supper—the very symbol of His most painful moments—to feast and get drunk.

He knew these things happened and would keep on happening for the rest of time.

But He continued. He obeyed all the way unto an excruciating death. He sought His Father’s kingdom come. He still loved and forgave and healed and knelt down and stepped into the storms.

He kept His eyes fixed on what He knew would one day come—redemption between His creation and Himself in every sphere, where there would no longer be any hint of sin or evil.

But until then, we live in a world permeated with it. Even so, we must fight back and stand in the gap for those who cannot.

//

You may still be wondering, But how could you still believe in adoption despite the corruption you’ve witnessed?

I hope Jesus’ answer would still be yes to adopting us. To bringing us in when we were yet separated because of our rebellion against perfection Himself. I know human adoption cannot be directly compared to our adoption as God’s sons and daughters, but He still sets the example of working through broken things and broken people.

Everyone’s response to the crisis of broken homes and children needing a family to love them and call them their own will be and should look different. I am in no way saying everyone should pursue adoption. Just as I know, in the missions world, not everyone will be going to far-away nations.

But I know we can all play a part in opening our homes, our lives, our time, and our resources for the “least of these” or those who are often overlooked, which far too often includes children who have no control over the circumstances forced upon them.

Will it still be messy? Oh yes.

Will it be one of the hardest things we ever do? I’ve often heard, absolutely.

Will we get taken advantage of? Probably.

Do we step in anyways?

I think deep down we all know the answer.

Lord, help us—help me—to do so, just as you’ve done, and continue to do, for us.

Grace upon grace.

~Jess

It is no small thing that you take the time to read my words here, so I thank you for joining me in this space, friends. I always enjoy it when you leave a comment so I can hear your thoughts as well <3

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