It’s the 3rd of July: the day before America’s busiest day in the burn unit. Here are 10 ways to avoid getting scarred for life (one for each finger you hopefully don’t get blown off in a sparkly cloud of cauterizing freedom).
1: Leave the spoon where it is.
2: Stop hoping it’s a just a fluke or an oversight.
3: Accept that the old man is being mean on purpose.
4: Put that glowing necklace back on the dusty corpse.
5: Stay on the visitor’s side of the enclosure.
6: Don’t think she isn’t talking about you the ways she talks about everyone else.
7: Heed the fine print on the power-tool manual.
8: Boundaries and consent keep teeth in heads.
9: Don’t become a local legend with a limp.
10: Avoid the homemade fireworks sold by the moonshiner with no thumbs.
Stay unwounded out there. <3
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