One month until Dia De La Jessica

Hello folks, Chris here again.

Sorry I’ve been quiet... It’s been a lot.

Thank you.

To the many who’ve let us know whether or not you’d be coming out to Dayton, thank you. I’m really looking forward to connecting with so many folks, and for so many to be connecting and reconnecting with one another, both in love and grief at the Celebration of a Life and a Death for the one and only Jess Fox...

Thanks, too, for all the love and hugs and offers to help, all the messages, calls, texts, and comments. The support in-person and from afar has been immense and enduring throughout this whole entire journey. I feel held and I’m so grateful. Jess and I have always been part of such amazing communities, but I still tend not to realize how helpful help actually is, and how and how much I need it, until I allow myself to receive it. Please accept a big virtual thank you squeeze from us here in this post. Close your eyes and feel it… I look forward to giving them in person on 10/11.

On the planning side of things, one big logistics change has been the venue. Long story short, the prior venue backed out. They sold the business. Not a cool thing to do… And s you can imagine I was pretty upset and worried But, that lemon turned into the sweetest lemonade. A call to a friend led to an amazing series of conversations and, of course, more offers of help, which I am very gratefully receiving.

The new venue is The Silos, just a few blocks from the previous venue so not a disruption to anyone traveling. And, it’s even better than the other spot. In fact, when we attended the soft opening last fall, Jess mused that it’d be cool if her celebration of life could be there. It wasn’t possible before, but now it is. Life is so strange and beautiful.

Here’s a link to a google doc with lots of deets that will continue to be updated with any new information as needed.

Supporting the Celebration

Many of you have offered and asked how to help, whether or not you can attend. Friends have set up a GoFundMe with the goal of raising money to cover the costs of the memorial. Contributing here is one way to support the gathering and help bring Jess’ people together to celebrate her in the way she lived: warm, welcoming, and full of love. If contributions exceed what is needed for the celebration, remaining funds will be donated to organizations that reflect the values and causes Jess cared about. Thank you in advance for helping make this celebration possible.

Now for a little musing.

As I said it’s been a lot… Most everything is just kinda harder right now. As I’m sure many who’ve experienced such a significant loss have experienced. Life is good, I’m doing work I love, taking Bodhi on all these cool hikes, and also life is difficult. I feel happy and hopeful for the future, and also incredibly sad and lonely because it’s a future that doesn’t include Jess.

After the initial early shock of a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, Jess and I came to terms with this new, very proximal relationship we had with the various uncertainties of life. We spoke quite a lot about what it meant and at some point, made a decision to love as if life and our love would go on forever as planned, while also very fully holding the certainty of death.

So we did just that. We kept making plans.

I’m keeping up on my end and allowing myself to believe Jess still is, too. I’m traveling soon on a trip Jess and I were planning before her last prognosis. It’s wild to think that only a few short months ago, in March, we fully expected to be surfing with friends in Peniche, Portugal for a week at the end of September. I’ve decided to bring Jess with me, in my heart of course and also all my senses. And in the rituals I use to feel her still, like writing this. We’re going to hike a bit of the Camino de Santiago (the Portuguese Way), a pilgrimage she so very much wanted to travel on. This trip is going to be so wonderful. It’ll be good to be with friends and salt my body in the ocean. And I expect there’ll also be moments where my heart feels as if it’s about to break from the pain. It’s going to be both/and, as they say.

I’ve been really feeling this quote from a piece a friend sent…

“endings arrive for both the careful and the reckless, but the fact that noting lasts does not take away from what existed, or from the depth of what you gave”
- from the science of being (substack)

Grandma Jess and Ronin, July 2023