LUCKY (demo)

I want to start this newsletter with sad news and an apology—I had to cancel my UK tour in August, and I’m so sorry to everyone who bought tickets and was looking forward to coming. I was looking forward to it, too! I always struggle with how much transparency to provide in situations like this—but instead of a long-winded excuse, I’ll just say that I don’t take cancelling shows lightly, so please trust I wouldn’t make the decision unless I absolutely had to.

To all of my UK and non-US based fans—I see you and I am grateful for you! I’m going to keep trying to find ways to clear the massive logistical and financial hurdles that have prevented me from making the trip thus far; thank you for your patience and understanding.

To make it up to you, I’m making a brand new, never before released song available on my Patreon—this time, totally free for everyone. Here’s the link.

(To my loyal subscribers—you’ll get something special just for you later this month, I promise!)

The song is called Lucky. Caveat—it’s really an unmixed demo, and all demo rules apply. I did it in one afternoon with my dear pal Nick “Sandy” Sanborn, Betty’s in NC. He recorded and produced, I played all the instruments. I hope to give it a proper mix someday, but so far we have not been able to find the Ableton session (whoops!) Either way, our track record in the B-room at Betty’s is pretty killer, if I do say so myself—some of my favorite Flock of Dimes tracks were made in an afternoon or two there (Hard Way from Head of Roses, Defeat from TLYS.)

The song is, appropriately enough, about the distinct cognitive dissonance of surviving this moment of late-capitalist hell in the USA. My partner recently pointed out one of my conversational tics—every time I talk about something that I’m struggling with, I always add some kind of caveat: it could always be worse! I know this isn’t that bad compared to what other people are struggling with! I should be more grateful! This song is the distillation of that sentiment—hurting, but knowing other people are hurting far worse than you. Feeling like you should be more grateful while you’re barely keeping your head above water.

This sentiment is not untrue—we live in a world rife with horrors, and this country is guilty of atrocities beyond imagining, here on our own soil, and beyond. I am lucky. I should be grateful.

And yet! it’s also so essential to learn to fully inhabit and validate your own emotional experience. Because when you’re suffering and you try to minimize it, or distract from it, or invalidate it, that suffering doesn’t just go away. It transmutes itself into something darker: a shadow that starts to run your life from its subconscious depths. This shadow manifests differently for everyone, but the pattern holds true: embrace the darkness, or be ruled by it.

Otherwise, what else can I say? It’s kind of a weird moment for me, career-wise. I’m feeling the itch to create again, and I’m starting to write again, which is exciting. But I’m not under contract with any record labels currently, and I’m feeling pulled in a lot of different creative directions at once. I’m trying to figure out how to do all of the varied things I love to do while still having a career that feels cohesive and a ‘personal brand’ (ugh) that at least some people will continue to pay attention to and support. I can feel so many of the systems that have supported me through the years falling away, and it’s not totally clear what they’ll be replaced with, so I’m trying to build my own infrastructure, which is empowering but also very overwhelming!

I think in my heart I know that I need to embrace the uncertainty of the moment, let the work unfold and trust that it will show me where I need to go. It feels right, if more than a little bit scary. But my big dumb heart still believes that my best work is ahead of me, so I’m trying to trust process and let joy, play, and inspiration lead the way. In my, ahem, spare time. (Insert melting smiley-face here.)

Thank you for being here, and in particular, thank you to my Patreon subscribers—trust that every penny of the money you guys are contributing is currently going towards making more art to share with all of you.

We do our best, it’s all we can do,

JW