Resurfacing

Have you ever felt swept away by life when nothing wild or crazy was happening? No crisis to attend to. No major life change. No big events or celebrations. Just the ordinary moments of life day after day. Yet, for some reason amongst the ordinary you can’t seem to keep your head above water.

This is how I have been feeling. As I stand in the struggle I have been giving myself a hard time. In the early days of motherhood it was expected to be challenging. I had to adjust to a new way of living and each one of those days was filled with so much learning. Back then I was able to give myself a lot of grace. I slowed down, reminded myself that this was new, and I gave myself permission to savor the tiny moments without the guilt of feeling I should be doing something more productive. My mantra back then was “you will never get this time back, enjoy it.”

Here I stand three years later and that same mantra is true, as it is true for us all each and every day - we will never get this time back, so we should savor it. However, my mind isn’t providing much grace. I feel as if I should be more in a rhythm and have it a bit more together than I do.

The laundry piles up. The house is a mess. The list of to do’s goes on and on. I want to spend more time writing, moving, feeding my heart and soul. But then I hear that tiny voice that ask’s “mamma, want to play” and in that moment I need to push myself to let go of the unrealistic expectations I have set to have things orderly and remember this time is precious, and I won’t ever get it back.

Some days it is easier to do than others. Other days I get a bit cranky because I am not accomplishing what I had set out to do. “The dust can wait, the kids can’t,” my Nana always said. And what a true statement that is because the dust will always be there, but the kids won’t.

The truth is, it is not just the kids that won’t always be there, but everyone we know is growing with each passing day. As life moves us forward things change. We grow, we gain things, we lose things. Nothing stays the same forever. All of our relationships need nurturing as we never know when they will be changed.

It is the tiny ordinary moments that make this life sweet. Years ago when my brothers and I were kids ourselves we were on the beach with our parents after dinner. As we ran around on the sand playing, our parents sat enjoying each other’s company. My brothers and I came up with all these wild questions we didn’t know the answers to, so we decided to ask our parents. One after the other we ran up to them asking how many grains of sand are on the beach, how far away is the moon, how many stars are in the sky. For a while they put up with it and laughed, but after a while you could tell we were driving them a bit nutty.

It was an ordinary moment. One I don’t think of often. Yet, the other day a family friend who wasn’t at the beach with us brought the story up. It made my heart smile thinking back to the moment but then it stopped me in my tracks. Never would I have thought it would be a story my mom would share with others. It was so ordinary. Just us kids playing on the beach driving our parents crazy. But to her it was something more. It was a piece of that precious time that we will never get back. And it was special.

These moments happen to us all of the time. Sometimes we just have to resurface to be able to see them. And sometimes we have to remind ourselves of what truly is important. The dust or the people around us.

Today I invite you to slow down. Resurface. Be in the moment with the people around you. They aren’t looking for much from you, just your attention and love. Let the dust settle for now, and be present with what truly matters.

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