Robert Pattinson and the 'Good Times' Dildo Story Plus Re-Ranking His Best Performances

Loving all the love being shown Robert Pattinson’s way lately - I think we’ve known for awhile that he’s one of our greats and he’s long past being either the “Harry Potter Guy” or the “Twilight Guy.” He continues to work with the most fascinating filmmakers and takes on some wild, unexpected roles - then turns around and does blockbusters like “The Batman” and “The Odyssey” with equal dedication. He’s one of the few old school movie stars - and also just a really fun interview.

Now, Pattinson has admitted to making stories up in interviews so I have no idea if this one is true or not, but it sounds plausible. He told it to me at a SAG-AFTRA Foundation Conversation for “Good Time” back in 20212. The film was partially shot at Adventureland Theme Park and Pattinson mentioned that the art directors put suction cup dildos all over the set. That led to a this story about how they hid several in his backpack the day he had to catch a flight. Pattinson was completely unaware until he went through security - and hijinks ensued.

It sounds real to me - set pranks are legendary and it wouldn’t be difficult to slip something into a suitcase. I might argue with his count of “40” but that that’s probably just exaggeration - when you get caught at security with even one fake penis, it feels like 40. So I choose to believe it’s the truth. If not, Pattinson is an even better actor than I thought, because he sold this story.

Funnily enough, I did a list of Pattinson’s 10 Best Performances just six years ago for Variety. It was already an impressive, varied list - but in such a short time he’s completely turned it upside down. This is what it looked like in 2017 (and reminder these are best performances, not necessarily his best movies):

10. Cosmopolis

9. Twilight: Breaking Dawn

8. The Rover

7. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

6. High Life

5. Damsel

4. The King

3. The Lost City of Z

2. The Lighthouse

1. Good Time

Those are all damn fine picks and yet he’s been so prolific in recent years I would have to push half of them off for his new stuff. And it’s a shame because I love including “Goblet of Fire” for showing his star power early in - making a big impression in a small screen time. And with “Breaking Dawn,” he was required to do his most challenging work of the “Twilight” series and exceeded expectations. Also, “Cosmopolis” is just such a weird, wonderful choice he made at the height of his career. Anyway, with changes, I think it would look more like this:

10. The Batman

9. High Life

5. The King

4. The Lost City of Z

3. The Lighthouse

2. The Odyssey

1. Good Time

I included “The Batman” not only because it’s a star turn but he’s one of the few actors to play both Bruce Wayne and The Dark Knight with equal weight. “Mickey 17” may not have lit up the box office, but I think he’s hilarious in a go-for-broke performance (or performances) as a hapless man doomed to die again and again. Also bonus points for his choice of voice/accent. “The Drama” is a movie that hinges on the cast - and he and Zendaya deliver. And “The Odyssey” - well, you’ve seen the memes. He’s pitch perfect, elevating sniveling to an art form, and deserves all the kudos.