On reading and reading and writing and drawing

Hello there. Long time no?

Here we are and I’m probably writing this because I am writing everything lately. That’s definitely an exaggeration, but I’m writing a lot of things and it seemed that while in that flow, I could write this too. In fact, this is probably some procrastination.

In September, I took part in the local arts trail. For those not familiar, you can either open up the doors of your home (not for me) or book a table somewhere along a mapped trail of artists and sell your work and talk to people.

Am I glad I did this? Yes. Would I rush to do it again? Not sure.

There was nothing wrong with the trail or the events. It was two days in an arts centre surrounded by lovely, supportive and creative peers and helped by a wonderful friend. Amazing people turned up in support and strangers bought things (something I still have trouble wrapping my head around). At the end of both days, I went home and immediately fell asleep - sparked out. I was overwhelmed.

Much as I am happy to work hard on organising prints and a display, doing new works to sell and making stuff to show, I am unaccustomed to being ‘on’ all day in a public space. People were lovely, I can’t complain, but as a writer and maker, I am more used to spending hours with music, audiobooks and my dog. For sure I hang out with friends, but not on the scale of being on show.

Being introverted doesn’t mean I can’t go outside and do things - goodness knows I have been on air, on stage and on show before. But it is exhausting and I probably need to keep that in mind if there is a next time. In the meantime, I’m grateful to everyone who came and those who bought things. For those further afield, I’m going to pull my finger out and get some stuff up online for purchase at some point.

Thinking of being on show. I am booked in for a two-person exhibition next spring. It feels like a very big thing to do - it is also a large space. I need to do an inventory of my work - I seem to go through projects and put them away when I’m done. It’s time to take stock and see what I have to show as a collection. Wish me luck!

As well as making pictures of different kinds, I have been writing a lot. Those who know me well will know that this is how I pay the rent. (You think art pays the rent? Bless you.) I mostly ghost write under NDA, so don’t ask. But I also sometimes write for myself. I was lucky earlier this year that a theatre group believed a monologue that I wrote was good enough to perform. I was pretty thrilled - I still am. So I’m testing my mettle to see if I can do better and more. A few more monologues have been submitted - this time on topics that I have not chosen. I like the limitations and the boundaries of the set topic, but you’ll have to wait until I know if they’re going to be performed for more details.

I’m also working on slightly longer theatre scripts having been sent a nudge to try for an open call with a different theatre company. Initially I read the brief - 30 minutes and it needs to be comedy or comedic - laughed and closed the page. I am distinctly unfunny in most of my writing. I don’t even try to be funny. I love and admire those who can make me laugh but when I look directly at comedy as something to work on, it vanishes - like some optical illusion, one you can only see out of the corner of your eye and it’s exceedingly hard to catch if you’re not already inclined.

As usual with most things I immediately snort at and decline, it percolated in my mind for 24 hours and I found myself making notes, researching, watching comedy shows and trying to work it out. Like a lot of people, I often have ideas in that liminal space between awake and asleep at night, so I keep a notebook next to my bed out of habit. Lately though, I have been tired for assorted other mid-life reasons and the best of my notes seems to say, “A spidugoh with aoshshs and the afjiuhvsgs…hah!” I have no idea, I need one of those spike things that diner receipts get impaled upon for all my impenetrable notes. Maybe one day I’ll turn them into illegible poetry.

I have a little time - a couple of weeks - to submit something. I like to write submissions in threes - it’s more work but it takes the pressure off somehow because I’m not putting all my cliches in one basket. Am I funny? I’m not sure, but the aim is not to make myself laugh - something the people reviewing the scripts can be truly thankful for.

I also read that Tom Stoppard died. I’m not great at dealing with the death of writers I admire. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead is still one of my favourites, it was his only film directing credit too and that movie still makes me smile. When brilliant writers die, I never know if that should spur me on to try to reach a small percentage of their talent or stop and try not to fill the world with things that are mediocre by comparison.

I also made some little books. This was an exercise for me. I had been reading a biography of Edward Gorey and I wanted to get into cross hatching. Rather than just filling a sketchbook with endless sessions, I wrote some short stories and after an embarrassing number of attempts, I worked out how to print little books with a regular home printer on both sides of A4 paper. I like to have a target. I like the way they came out and I have done a boatload of cross hatching. There’s one more in the tank at least, but as always, other things (paying things) need to be done first before I can finish the third. If you want to print out your own copies of the little books, you can find them here - Little Books. They’re free to download - have at.

I’m also open to booking if anyone you know needs something writing or drawing. From technology reports and research, to communications and editorial support. The door for illustration commissions is open as well. Drop a line if you need something I can help with.

I’m still eating books (not literally - more as a response to not bothering with people’s very long social media threads). I have been taking a little break from the PhD reading because I’m getting jaded with the topic and I don’t want to lose my point there. That’s ok though, there’s plenty of adjacent reading to do and even more that is unrelated.

I’m still very curious about how other people read. Not the medium, but the choices, the momentum, pages. I recently read a couple of nice articles about this. Sebastian Castillo at the NYT wrote about “The Secret to Getting through Big, Dense, Difficult Books.” While I don’t want to do the same thing, I enjoyed the piece - especially the line “I am bookish as well as godless.” Me too love. Another I liked was “I Was Once a Broken Reader. I Found My Way Back to Books” by Jeff Giles. I have been through book droughts, or rather plenty of books to read but my eyes just sliding around the pages, unable to find a secure footing. I lost my curiosity for a good long time at one point and it worried me. Still does. I have found such solace, connection, escape, explanation and delight in books that I fear the inability to immerse myself entirely. I switch between audio and paper versions, fiction and non-fiction and I love the feeling of finishing a book with ideas that wow me.

Recently I read “There is no Antimemetics Division” by qntm. Like the art that I love, I was stunned and very jealous - in good ways. It’s smart and made me so aware of what I was reading while reading it - a bit like the first time I read House of Leaves and it scared the crap out of me - not for what was in the book, but by what was outside of it. Read both and you might see what I mean - or not. I waited to finish reading it in bed before falling asleep and I did this on purpose. I didn’t want the rest of the day getting into my head, I wanted to drift off into my own dreams with some really great ideas floating around in my mind. Did I dream up my own sci-fi spectacular that will probably scoop up awards? Of course not, but I fell asleep feeling really content and mentally full, like I’d had a really good meal for my mind and the chance to savour it overnight.

I know that plenty of people struggle to get through entire books - because I talk with them about it often. I’m starting to think that finishing a decent sized novel will be a super power if we all mostly forget how to do it. When everyone is able to read anything online, maybe the arcane knowledge and the sparks for good ideas are all hidden in that final third of a novel.

Oh, before I forget - this is a lovely piece about being creative and doing the work when you can. I’m sure there’s a lot of us who grab moments here and there. A good reminder that you don’t need to be set up in a huge studio with just the right pens and lighting, you can still get some work done. My Truck Desk - Bud Smith.

Qntm I have already mentioned and yes I will be looking to read everything else they have written in case they can hit me the same way. I’ve also been into short stories including ‘Looking for Jake’, China Mieville. It’s as you might expect, amazing ideas, thesaurus writing. “Werewolves in their Youth”, Chabon. Also as you might expect. For me, he has an excellent way of making me see situations I could never experience. I’m also reading “A Swim in a Pond in the Rain”, Saunders. It’s excellent, though it can feel a bit like homework, so it might not be everyone’s thing.

Other books in the re-reading section include Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake for some research, The Science of Storytelling by Will Storr - I’m not loving the audiobook but there’s some strong points in this one that I find useful. Borne, Jeff Vandermeer - because I am digging some non-human pov reading - which also goes for “What Would Animals Say if we Asked them the Right Questions” by the philosopher Vinciane Despret (whose other works I am impatiently waiting to be translated because I don’t have the cells to read in the original French). The PhD Rollercoaster - Nilam A McGrath, King Sorrow by Joe Hill (which is scarier for a story about a dragon than I expected), Borges (for reasons that will become clearer soon) and Frankenstein - which I had the luck to listen to during a thunder and lightning storm before the del Toro box of delights was released. I might watch that again soon for the colours and costumes.

Jerome ‘Trez’ Oudot. Beautifully created and drawn brutalist animals. What’s not to love?

Ed Gorey of course.

Abigail E Penner whose designs I very badly want to stitch.

Ok, That’s all for now. When’s the next one? Who knows? I might try not to leave it so long…maybe.

More, eventually. Get some rest while the weather sucks.

J x