Why can't I ask Uber drivers to turn up the air?

One time, I had a driver take me to the airport and based on his trepidation around highways I quickly got the sense he had never traversed this route.

We got to a place where the four-lane highway split into two separate two-lane directions. One way had a large sign with the word “AIRPORT” on it and the other did not. He waffled between the two middle lanes, asked me something in a language I didn’t speak, then came to a complete stop in the middle of the diverging point.

Cars whizzed by us while honking, he frantically pinched and swiped his phone screen, I yelled out, “Go right!” and he immediately went left—seeming intent on discovering the 0 to 60mph capabilities of a 1998 Honda Accord.

We survived. And I spent the rest of the ride apologizing to him (!!!).

The map apps are so unclear. It’s hard to tell which sign goes to which lane. Other drivers are so mean, amirite?

He nodded along, not necessarily because he understood what I was saying but because he could tell I was in his corner.

Why am I so afraid to impose anything (anything) on the people I task with driving me places?

The title of “people pleaser” explains this phenomenon rather succinctly (and alliteratively!) but it doesn’t fully do justice to the complete lack of logic and basic social skills that color my actions, or inactions.

Just this week, I slid into the backseat of a car, started to sweat almost instantly, and then a second later knew with complete certainty that I was going to do absolutely nothing about it.

All the driver needed to do was turn the air conditioning on. Not even up. Just on. Any breeze at all. But I couldn’t get the request out of my mouth.

I find myself incapable of asking a driver for anything on top of the service they are already providing. If it’s too hot, I just sweat. If Pitbull is on full blast, I remind myself that his universal appeal has fully earned him the nickname of Mr. Worldwide.

Never have I ever asked a driver to do anything besides drive.

For whatever reason, this psychosis only affects me in shared rides. It’s when I have entered into a legally binding contract with a complete stranger to take me to my preselected destination via their personal vehicle.

Even though I’m paying for the service, the instant I sit in someone else’s car, I feel like I’ve already asked a lot of them. God forbid they offer me a bottle of water or a phone charger. Never in my life will I accept such extreme generosity.

If anything, I receive their overt kindness as a personal affront. Sir, you have already let me use your entire car. How could I possible expect more from you?

But why? Why won’t I impose on them in even the slightest way?

I think it’s because I’m in their car.

I haven’t ridden in a taxi in a long time, but I don’t think the same sense of not wanting to be a burden would weigh on me there. That’s a business vehicle. The air conditioning in it is also at my service.

My mind can’t get there with someone’s personal vehicle. I don’t know why.

But my driver will be here in four minutes and I already know that’s not enough time for me to work up the courage to ask him for anything more than a ride back home.

Let’s hope the air conditioning is already on full blast. And then let’s hope I don’t get cold.

Thanks for reading this far.

- jd

And also…

I love soccer so much. I just love it. How do they make the ball curve? Why do they pretend to be hurt all the time? Doesn’t matter. I’m in.

“When I push you, what does it do to your heart?” is a real question the boy asked me this week. No telling if he meant physically or emotionally.

I like saying that I’m watching things on “tape delay” even though I’ve never, as an adult, owned a VCR.