Autism, social isolation and depression have been connected to me like heat, fuel and oxygen are connected to fire.
I was reminded about a song I wrote a couple of years ago when one-hundred or so cormorants stopped at the Lake Jeanette rest stop one morning. A flock of about a dozen gulls circled them as the cormorants rested in the water. The individual cormorants took turns raising out the water flapping their wings like people do when annoyed by a fly. After a few minutes, one cormorant took to the air, just inches above the water. One by one the other cormorants followed. The gulls also followed.
The gulls hovering over the cormorants reminded me of this song,
I wrote this song while I was leaning into the sense of isolation and vulnerability that characterized most of my late teens and early twenties when I was in high school. I now see that the song tried to capture what autism often felt like to me way back before I understood I was autistic. You can listen to the song here.
There are a couple of references to a song by Jackson Browne and one by Kansas. The lyrics are: The hawk flies above It's a long way home. You're running on empty It's a long way home, It's a long way home
When you have been on the road for so many years
It's along way home
Just like a midwestern highway
that goes on forever
It's a long way home.
looking for their prey down below
When they see a weak one
they dive
The little ones scramble
They try to hide
But, the hawk seeks them out because
they come from the sky
When you've been living alone for so many years
There are so many hawks in the sky
waiting to dive
It is a long way home,
when you are running from the sky
right into the wall
You try to climb it but the ropes won't hold
You learn to lose
Forget how to choose
The hawk start to dive and you as yourself "why?"
when you are running from the sky
It's a long way home,
when you are running from yourself
when you are running from yourself
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