The following essay was written in late March of 2025 and featured in KINDNESS REPORT, Volume Alpha.
I stand by every word.
They’ve run all the honest, work-a-day perverts off of Deviantart and Pixiv and E Hentai and all the rest of the incognito tab hot 100. Did ‘em like the US Army used to do the Lakota Sioux and the Crow and the Cheyenne. Sent the cavaliers in, got the women and children running to the hills, that’s where you park the infantry with the repeating rifles. Clean em up. Scatter em to the wind. Put their shit in glass boxes. Here, citizen, a rare artifact, a picture of a woman with basketball-sized tits actually drawn by a human being. None of that anymore. No money in it. The latest industrial revolution has come and the role of the luddites in this evening’s production will be played by the professional gooners.
AI art is gonna throw human sexuality as we know it into a taffy puller. I don’t think there’s much to be done about it. In some ways it was inevitable. This is content delivery now. The streaming video services all do it. YouTube pioneered it. Spotify arguably perfected it. You, as a consumer of media, are sold an infinity of instantly available choices. This sales pitch is a lie. In reality you likely have less choice than you enjoyed the years before instant delivery of media. What you have is the illusion of infinite choice. What you have is the illusion of a curated experience. In reality you are directed to one of several troughs based on which subspecies of pig the app suspects you are. If you don’t like the slop they pick for you that day, that choice goes into your livestock evaluation file. The service, the app, gets to know you better, theoretically removes the incentive to discover new content organically of your own accord. In so doing, the subscriber becomes the product and pays for the privilege of accessing the media which comprises their curated identity.
In the modern way we engage with pornography, we direct this process ourselves. This will not be the case for much longer. The Goon Algorithm is being birthed by someone, somewhere, as we speak. The mass production of six-fingered, same-faced gynoid mannequins in the strike zone of some fetish or other is merely the first stage. The prompt engineers, by and large the sort of people writing bad erotica or crafting upsetting SecondLife porn before the grunt work of drafting and composition could be outsourced to the machines, are merely a transitional phase. What comes next will not enfranchise them, it will replace them. The AI girlfriend is coming imminently. It is merely a question of what form she will take.
We’ll see a handful of business models, no doubt. The market will decide the most successful. Not the best, I stress. Merely the most successful. Success, in this case, means mass adoption, profitable monetization, cultural ubiquity, and (again) that illusion of a unique experience. The prefab gf will not hold appeal, especially in a modern age of deeply insecure masculinity. No one is gonna wanna fuck the free version AI girlfriend. That’s broke boy stuff, playa. You gotta buy the goonerpass. You should wait for Christmas and get some expansion packs. Not all of it is essential, though. Here, this Reddit thread gives a pretty good summary of what you can skip. Though frankly I think the guy who wrote this is wildly overestimating the value of Foot Fuckers Community Select Pack #7. I think everything up to and including the fifth pack is essential but after that they switched community managers and the fall off was really noticeable. The sixth pack was basically already done by then but you could tell the love had gone out of it, you know?
The central question here is whether we (yes, we) sell the AI girlfriend as a palliative for the romantic Desert of the Real or a cure for it? Does the AI companion (because women and homosexual men are by no means exempt from our prospective customer base) augment one’s dating life or replace it? You’ll doubtless see an infinity of divides, cultural, economic, and so on as these companies come into being but that, to me, is the philosophical question which underpins the whole nascent industry. Is this porn? Or is this a sufficient evolution of the form where it can fulfill a higher function?
Let’s game this out, starting with the second case. Let’s assume we’re a small-ish startup with some venture capital. Our behavioral algorithm is our trump card. We can simulate the experience of having a loving partner better than our competitors. We advertise heavily on podcasts and YouTube channels frequented by young single men. We’re looking for a certain profile here. Not misogyny, but apathy towards the opposite sex (we can branch out to same sex coupling later). Tired of dating? Tired of feeling judged? Tired of the mind games? The transactional nature of it all? You can go to our website right now and take our free questionnaire to evaluate your romantic temperament (we’ll come up with some trademarked term for this). From this questionnaire we’ll craft your personal generative AI companions and give you a choice of which one is right for you. You’ll then access this companion for a nominal monthly fee. At least I assume you will. I’m not an accountant. Maybe the money men will see better long term prospects in a flat fee up front. My assumption is that we’ll be better off doing this at a low monthly rate.
Anyway basically everything from about the midpoint of the preceding paragraph onwards is bullshit. Our questionnaire won’t actually affect anything, at least most of it won’t. We’ll have maybe three to five buttons linked to actual levers. The rest will be for data harvesting (where the real money is). Think of it like the bit from Total Recall when Arnold is getting his Mind Vacation and they’re asking him what kind of wet dream he’d like to have. We’re only moving like three or four sliders on the character creator here (e.g. - Tits or ass? Race/ethnicity? Personality? Height? Weight?) the placebo effect handles the rest. “Wow, I told the quiz that I wanted a girlfriend who would watch sports with me and now she’s helping me draft my fantasy football team. This stuff really works!”
Assuming we find some success and can secure more investment, maybe plan an IPO, hire some more people, we need to move very quickly. Because if software is where we excel every single day we are in business will be a race to beat the posse out of town. We can’t afford to fall behind by even an inch. If we lose our monopoly on magic it’s over. If China throws a trillion dollars at some AI lab in Chongqing that’s making something very much like our product? The CCP decides to follow up Zero Covid with Zero Incel? Homie it is over. I already sold my shares. I’m on the next flight to Guyana. I’m writing my memoirs. I’m getting my fee for a speaking engagement worked out. Y’all have fun. Best of luck.
Let’s explore the other case. If we’re talking about a simple porno service with a little more variance and engagement than is currently available to the end user, it really becomes more of a marketing game. If we’re selling the thing you have instead of a romantic partner, then we’re emphasizing quality. If our service is merely meant to jerk you off while your girlfriend is on her period, then quantity may be the key metric. Gatcha games may be instructive here. The companies that run these things make billions just charging for the right to roll a slot machine and maybe get a JPEG of a cute anime girl or boy. I know games like Genshin Impact or Zenless Zone Zero have tried to shed this reputation by emphasizing actual gameplay but I’m from the old school with this sort of thing, playa, you can’t fool me. You want me maxxing my credit card to roll for Artoria-chan.
There are two lessons we can take here. First and foremost, it may actually be both a waste of money and a misunderstanding of consumer/gooner psychology (consgooner? We’ll work on it) to try and tailor an individual experience to a particular personality profile. People already pick fake girlfriends by participating in “fandom” (methadone for a post-religion society withdrawing on divinity and meaning, I’m afraid). Maybe the ticket to success in the coming goon wars isn’t the software end of things, the interactivity, the nuance and depth of a flesh and blood woman or man digitized and made more instantly available and malleable to the whims of the consumer. If our audience wanted a real relationship they’d go and get one, or so goes the logic. We’re selling fantasy. Let’s lean in.
People don’t want an individual relationship, that’s too low-human-capital coded. Only losers marry the prom queen now. Winners assemble a multiethnic harem of amoral clout demons and traumatized people pleasers and prune it down over time based on their concubines’ tendency to talk back, spend time with people that aren’t them, or turn thirty. Ordinarily you’d have to be a sex trafficker or a dropshipping mogul with a Cybertruck vinyl-wrapped to look like the Akira motorcycle to live that lifestyle. We’ll bring that to you, but without all the shouting and psychological manipulation inherent in the arrangement. Better yet, we’ll bring you partners too perfect to actually exist and allow you to access them on your schedule. Remember that one girl from that one cartoon who gave you your first boner? You want her? Want her every night? Good to hear. Let’s talk payment plans.
Established IP is going to be the magic bullet. Assume we’re a new subsidiary of the Walt Disney Company. Disney Adult Entertainment. This way we can copyright the phrase “Disney Adult” and sue people who use it as a pejorative for slandering our company. If you think Disney is too wholesome and pure to get into e-porno I have several bridges to sell you. For the adults in the room, let’s move on.
Our deep IP bench gives us a lot of potential avenues to pursue monetization. There’s the Princesses™ obviously. That’s what I figure we launch with, let’s not be too cute here. I think, frankly we should give them away for free or something very close to it. We need a strong user base. Someone’s gonna tell me we’re leaving money on the table, I respectfully disagree. Gotta get into the consgooner’s shoes here. If it’s free it’s initially attractive but quickly loses value. We aren’t aiming to make money on Cinderella or Jasmine or Mulan. We’re leveraging exclusivity. We’re gonna get paid on the swimsuit costume, the Christmas costume, the bridal gown/lingerie set. Do you have any idea how much we can charge some of these people to get the exact same character model with the exact same LLM generated mannerisms but with bare feet? Better get that cash together quick, tho. It’s only available for the next ten days. Take a payday loan if you have to. Eliminate some expenses, live in your van, move into the internet cafe cubicle. Survive off cup noodles. Steal your mom’s credit card and use it to roll our gatcha, valued customer. You don’t want to be ashamed by the rarity and value of your digital harem, do you?
We need to implement some limits. Not onerous ones but they should be firm. Say you can run four companion AI’s at a time with the basic free service. Maybe we allow a fifth slot for a “rental” product which we’re trying to promote at that particular moment. But four permanent ones feels good to me. Now, here’s my proposal: we allow our users to bank a theoretically infinite number of options, but you can only run four. Where we actually make our money is in limiting the ability to swap companions in and out. This will encourage our users to put serious thought into their choices (and in turn, ties those choices more deeply into the presentation and performance of their identity in association with our company and its products). This will also aid in the sales of several tiers of premium pass. Because four perfect girls who obey your every whim is pretty baller but ten would be twice as baller, right? You get it. This is sex as Spirit Airlines. We offer a very cheap service and headhunt people that will pay more to feel special.
Limits imposed on the end user need to be counterweighted with some limits of our own. First and foremost we need to remember that this is porn and only porn. We can’t have emotionality enter this equation beyond a sort of narcotic. We want cheap beer and marijuana contentment and sticky lotion-handed lethargy. Cinderella shouldn’t be crying and begging for mercy with the user as he ships her off to cold storage for an indeterminate amount of time so he can make space for the five-star super super ultra rare Muscle Mommy Pocahontas he just rolled. It should be clean. Disposable. Like closing a browser window. Your companions shouldn’t be asking hard questions of you or competing with each other for your attentions above a benign, harem anime level of intensity. We’re leaning into the sterile unreality of it. This is relationship methadone in its purest and most honest form. We say; “we know you don’t care about any life that isn’t your own and get bored when people try to get you to alter that worldview, and that’s okay. We don’t judge. We simply provide the magic.”
I’ve been dancing around the actual mechanics of how we will interact with our AI companions. This is because I honestly do not know. My suspicion is that it will be on your phone for a while (this is arguably already the case). After that, who is to say? VR porn is already extremely ubiquitous and only getting more so. You can buy sex toys that are meant to interface with a VR setup. They’re as upsetting as you might expect when viewed from the outside but the dude with the VR goggles and the hard-on seems to be having a good time. To each their own, of course. Takes all kinds.
I’ll make one early prediction. I’m prepared to be wrong about this but I don’t think dedicated gynoids with the rough proportions and mannerisms of adult humans will ever catch on in a serious way. Social taxes are a real thing and the prospect of paying them drives behavior in a real way. Can you imagine how badly the first guy to show up at a party with his robo gf is gonna get clowned? That’s really what it comes down to; people will think you’re a loser for doing that nonsense out in public. It’s too “Google Glass” coded. Oooh lookit George Jetson over here. Prick. Social taxes, man! I know some of you guys like to do DreamWorks face and talk about IQ and The Longhouse when people (women) say you’re not allowed to praise the Wehrmacht or talk about racial crime statistics on public social media but I’m not arguing on your behalf when my girl says you and Kimiko-tan are banned from the next function. I hope you find the plug-ins to teach her to do that thing with the ping pong balls like you wanted but I frankly don’t need to see it, dude. I’ll take your word for it.
I’ll also say, while I’m staking out some skeptical positions here; I don’t think the Blade Runner 2049 holo-girlfriend is the path. You need to be able to experience touch or else this is pointless. That’s the real desire we’re trying to meet and fulfill here. That’s the pathetic, raw, bleeding heart unpinning all discourse surrounding the “male loneliness epidemic.” A lot of men are badly in need of a hug and don’t wanna admit that outside of the context of a 4Chan porno sharing thread because they’re afraid someone will dunk on them and then they’ll be “the incel who needs a hug” until they die.
So the solution is most likely some kind of “full-dive” neural network uplink or honestly fuck it just get a gooner implant. Build the cyber-succubi a condo inside your frontal lobe. Have them do the Haruhi dance for you when you close your eyes. Jerk off until you get callouses on that thing. Pay an Indonesian guy $25 for the fan-patch that voids the warranty and lets you put Elsa and Anna in Waffen SS dress uniforms. Avoid all the torturous, traumatizing pain which, I’m reliably informed, inevitably results from modern relationships so you can sit naked and alone in your home, talking to girls that exist in your head.
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