I am 25 years old. And even now, the words feel strange in my mouth. I don’t feel 25. At times, I feel like an angsty teenager trapped in the body of an adult.
When I was in high school, I believed life would begin once I made it to university. University happened, and I thought life would magically sort itself out when I graduated and got a job. But now, having done all that, I am still as lost as ever, perhaps even more.
And apparently, I wasn’t the only one.
Ironically, we seem to be more sure of ourselves when we were children or teens compared to when we reached adulthood. There’s something about adult life that feels both exciting and dreadful at the same time.
“I don’t know what to do with my life”
This is perhaps the defining question of our twenties.
For the very first time in our lives, we are given freedom to be who we want to be and pursue the things we desire. No longer contained by school rules or parents’ supervision, we are finally free to build something of our own — until we realise that every possibility is also a responsibility.
So we begin searching.
We search for mentors, books, podcasts, personality tests, philosophy, astrology, tarot readings — anything that might tell us who we are supposed to become. We borrow other people’s maps, hoping one of them will somehow lead us to the right way, but we end up feeling even more misplaced.
Some questions refuse borrowed answers, because the only one who can answer is the one asking.
That is the dreadful delight of our 20s.
For a long time, I believed life demanded certainty.
I thought the people who seemed to have everything together had simply figured something out that I hadn’t. They knew what career they wanted, where they wanted to live, who they wanted to become. Meanwhile, I stood at every crossroads asking the same exhausting question:
What if I choose wrong?
But life rarely offers us choices between right and wrong. More often, it asks us to choose between two good things, or two difficult ones.
Some people will tell you to follow your dreams. To ignore the numbers, reject the fears, and devote yourself entirely to what makes you come alive. After all, we only get one life. Why spend it becoming someone you never wanted to be? Follow your dream. Make it count.
Others will urge caution. They remind you that passion does not always pay the rent, and that stability is its own kind of freedom. Because without money, without possessions, how can we help the people we love when they need it most? What can we do when a large hospital bill decides to knock on our door?
Both are trying to protect you. Both are speaking from lives they have already lived. So how can we know? How can we decide?
Hi, I’m Janelle☆ Whoever you are, I hope today has been kind to you.
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