Your Dream Needs Resistance

“Resistance is futile,” claimed the Borg on Star Trek. Even though they seemed invincible, the Borg were wrong. Resistance is a formidable defense against despots. It’s also a powerful force challenging our beautiful dreams.

It’s tricky to handle resistance because it shows up wearing many masks. Until we recognize how it appears in our personal lives, it will win.

Resistance can seem like the enemy when it’s interfering with the goals you’ve set for yourself but it’s an important aspect of your evolution. Think about, resistance bands in the gym—they make you stronger. Artist Stephen Pressfield talks about the presence of resistance this way.

“Resistance is an impartial force of nature, like gravity…The appearance of resistance is by definition a good sign, because resistance never appears except when preceded by a dream. The dream arises in our psyche (even if we deny it, even if we fail to or refuse to recognize it) like a tree ascending into the sunshine. Simultaneously the dream’s shadow appears - i.e. resistance - just as a physical tree casts a physical shadow. That’s a law of nature. Where there is a dream, there is resistance. Thus: where we encounter resistance, somewhere nearby is a dream.”

As we celebrate the legacy of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, who was one of the most powerful faces of resistance against bigotry, oppression, and injustice in the US, let’s remember that he was able to continue his resistance because he had a dream.

I know I’m using resistance in two ways—something we initiate consciously to counteract tyranny and something that arises unconsciously and happens to us while we are working toward our dreams. Except it doesn’t happen to us.

Resistance is a sign that we have a dream worth moving toward. It challenges us to develop the strength to make that dream come true.

Back to those stealthy resistance agents. While preparing for a workshop I’m leading this Saturday, I identified ten different secret agents. One or more of them is bound to be causing you trouble.

The helper is one of those agents. It was assigned to me quite early and I bet many of you face this daunting adversary on a regular basis.

I can already hear your objection. How can being helpful create resistance? Mr. Rogers said to look for the helpers. Those are the good people, the safe people to turn to. Helping is supposed to be a formula for sainthood, not for putting roadblocks up to your dreams. Isn’t it?

Guess again.

Like so much in life, it’s all about balance. Of course it’s good to be helpful but you can overdo it.

I love the way I am there for others, encouraging and supporting people—through words of encouragement, presence, prayers, or specific help. But here’s the difficulty.

The helper is there for everyone else and takes care of themself only as a last resort. It’s a problem when we tell ourselves to “take a number” and that number isn’t even close to the front of the line.

If I have a dream and I want it to materialize, I need to be the captain of my own team, not sitting in the nosebleed section of the stadium making sure everyone around me has enough popcorn.

One aspect of the upcoming workshop that really excites me is helping participants discover the back story for their personal resistance agents. I know my back story really well, so allow me to illustrate what I’m talking about by telling you how my helper got her start in my life.

I grew up in an Irish Catholic home at a time where big families were the norm. I was the oldest so I got to be the main event for 16 whole months until the first sibling came along. That’s a hard passage for most firstborns. In my case, I remember (well, years later in therapy I did) that my mother told me, “You’re a big girl now. You can help me take care of the baby.”

As a mom and grandmother, I know my mother was trying to include me. But the message “little me” got was that my baby days were over. It was time to roll up my energetic sleeves and start helping. That was my new job description. I probably wasn’t very helpful at that point but the belief that my value came from helping got established then.

My mother died suddenly when I was 7, leaving me and three younger siblings. She was eight months pregnant with baby #5 but that little girl didn’t make it. Again, I don’t recall being very helpful then. Just devastated and angry. But there was a new twist in place for the helper—the belief that I’m on my own.

I became a very helpful adult and that got me plenty of kudos. It also made it harder to land my own dreams because I had to carry everyone with me.

One of the gifts of resistance is that we get stronger as we go toe to toe with those agents. But there’s more.

A few years ago I had an experience that brought what was only a spiritual concept home to me in a powerful way that has become a lasting gift. I discovered that I was being helped too.

I’ve told this story before so many of you will have heard it, but for the benefit of new readers, this is what happened.

A few years ago I went to the Parliament of World Religions in Chicago. I attended a session where a Hindu saint called Amma was giving blessings. As I approached her, one of her acolytes told me to be clear on what blessing I wanted.

The helper in me was carrying everyone I loved. It was quite an energetic armful. I wanted blessings for all of them. Then, Amma’s hands were cupping my head and I heard a loving voice inside me say, “I carry you.”

I was stunned and couldn’t stop crying. Though I’d had the thought before, for the first time I really got that I am cradled by an eternal force expressing in a motherly way. That’s why I got a tattoo of those words. I knew I needed to remember them always and that it would be easy to forget.

That’s what I mean when I say that resistance is essential to growth. If I hadn’t been in touch with the helper trying to hold everyone, I wouldn’t have discovered that I was being held.

The message from Amma was one of those “mountain top moments” for me. I was on a high for awhile whenever I thought about the experience. But it also translated into my ordinary life.

I’ve been particularly aware of being carried lately as I move into a new form of sharing my gifts. There are so many new things to learn and they are challenging me. But the helper is not interfering with the process.

Instead, I’m receiving help in the form of inspiration and opportunities and people who want to offer a boost. I have been able to hold onto the helper as an integral part of my overall mission to remove the landmines of trauma from the field of consciousness and plant wildflowers in their place. I really believe I could not have done this without facing the helper and recognizing the resistance she was creating.

I know you encounter resistance because you have a dream. If you can’t articulate your dream, blame resistance. You, like everyone of us, are a tree of life in human form. As long as you are living you will be blossoming dreams in season. And the rest of us need your beautiful blossoms.

Remember that I said I found ten secret agents? I don’t even know for sure I’ve uncovered them all. If you’re a helper and related to my story, don’t assume that’s the only one that is trying to sabotage your efforts. I’m aware of more of them that are getting in my way, for sure. The more clarity we gain, the more power we have to bring those dreams to earth. If you’re wondering which agents have been assigned to your case, you can go to my website and see if the workshop fits your schedule.

As we proceed in the process of uncovering those secret agents, I’ve found it’s helpful to use the CACHE system. CACHE is an acronym I created and just love because the word cache means a place where treasures are stuffed and hidden so it’s perfect for finding the resistors in hiding.

The CACHE system involves attitudes that will gain the trust and cooperation of those parts that are set on challenging us.

C stands for CURIOSITY. It has a gentle energy that conveys you want to learn, not punish. It’s the opposite of coming across like a border crossing guard assuming someone doesn’t belong. It’s an inviting, inclusive energy.

A is for AUDACITY. When we are daring, we will be able to tackle hard things. Facing our resistance can be difficult, otherwise those parts wouldn’t be hiding from us.

C is the great power of COMPASSION. Just like my helper pattern, your resistance agent got established a long time ago, when you were innocent and didn’t have the resources to understand what was happening in your psyche. You’re doing your best now and always have been. When you can witness your origin stories with compassion, you invite cooperation.

H represents HUMOR. Tied closely to compassion, a sense of humor allows us to accept ourselves and our fears and our patterns as normal and laugh about the way we are coping. When we laugh at our patterns, we can’t simultaneously be mad at ourselves. When we are laughing, we’re breathing. Life is moving through us.

E stands for EVOLUTION. This is the big payoff for facing your resistance. It allows you to receive those gifts and grow.

Thank you for taking time to read (or listen) to my thoughts on resistance. If you’re not already subscribed to A New Day, please do, so that future emails will come to your inbox. And I always appreciate your likes and comments and shares.

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