People get ready

This is the year of the fire horse in Chinese astrology, a time of bold, innovative, transformative change, and I’ve been riding one on a most surprising journey.

Ironically, at the beginning of May, I was going to write a post about how this whole fire horse thing seemed more like whack-a-mole. I’m already dealing with my husband’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis and then we found out he has a cancer diagnosis too and suddenly there’s a whole new set of doctors and appointments and treatments to manage. Whack-a-mole is a reality for me but there’s more.

Because 2 weeks ago the fire horse arrived. It seemed like a normal horse—until I got on.

My youngest daughter texted me a picture of a house in her neighborhood that was for sale. Unlike ours, this home is one story and has a third bedroom. And it’s 2 streets away from her family’s house.

When I saw the house, I just had an inexplicable knowing that this was a good idea for us. Even though I loved my home of 12 years and all my neighbors and never wanted to move. But this inkling had life and so I called a friend who is a mortgage broker that same day and talked over the math of the opportunity. With her encouragement, I spoke to a realtor I know at a networking event the next day. That was a Wednesday. She came over to view the property and told me I’d need to take down all the pictures and make the room look less cluttered and more spacious. My decorating style is pictures (mostly family photos) in every possible spot. This photo is one small corner, just to give you an idea.

I packed. And packed. All weekend. I also had unexpected help. My grandson’s dad hauled all the boxes downstairs to the garage on Saturday morning and came back for more on Sunday evening. My neighbors had graciously offered to weed my little front yard. When they found out we were going to move, they also offered to power wash the back deck to remove evidence of all the birds who flock to my feeders. Monday my daughter and son-in-law came over and packed up my entire office and hauled more boxes downstairs. They weed whacked the back yard and made a big dump run.

On Tuesday, my realtor called a different photographer. Her regular person couldn’t come for another week. This new guy had a cancellation that very day and took our listing pictures.

On Wednesday we went to see the house my daughter had texted me. It was perfect for us and our realtor turned our offer in on Thursday. It got accepted Friday. My oldest daughter came over Thursday and helped me sort through everything in my office closet so people could see something besides clutter and hauled those boxes down.

We had our first showing on Friday, before the open house scheduled for Saturday. That showing led to an offer the same day which, after some back and forth over the weekend, we accepted on Sunday.

I’m still in awe. Also drowning in paperwork and more packing.

Because I wrote everything above this line 2 weeks ago.

Here’s what happened next. That fire horse bucked me off.

First, the inspector found some creaks in the old bones of our house. Repairable (and as I write almost all repaired) but it scared those buyers off and they pulled out of the deal.

I wasn’t too dismayed. Such things happen, I know, and it gave us a chance to present a better face to the next buyer. We still had an accepted offer on the house we want.

Then we drove up to Ellensburg to visit our middle daughter and grandson and I got to give a talk and a workshop at Unity of Yakima, which were so well received. It was a rich weekend with friends and family. The 4 hour drive (that’s all on me these days) wasn’t too bad.

But when I got home I got slammed by some viral spew from that Hindu goddess Kali. I lost my voice. My eyes and ears swelled up with infection. My throat ached and I kept coughing up gunk. I was miserable.

Meanwhile the house was being transformed with new paint and my husband was starting radiation. And because he has Alzheimer’s he can’t remember that I have no voice and the doc said not to even whisper. So he shadows me a lot looking for reassurance that I’m getting better. It’s heartbreaking. It’s been a week so far and still no voice.

Luckily I have great friends and a supportive spiritual community who started a meal train and have been taking him to his appointments and on expeditions.

Maybe I haven’t actually been bucked off the horse, I’m just riding upside down but going as fast as before with things that are harder to celebrate.

But I’ve been reflecting on what makes it possible to ride such a fast horse of challenge and opportunity. Because otherwise, this is just an interesting story about lucky and not so lucky breaks and it’s all about me. But what about you? Can you ride such a horse too?

Find some stillness and pay attention to what has life. Despite hundreds of emails that insist they’re important, to-do lists that look like growth charts for little kids, and a line of people who desperately need something from you, if you make a habit of taking even a snippet of time to be quiet and tune in to your essence, then you’ll notice when something moves into your energetic field that sparkles with life. Paying attention isn’t just noticing. It is coupled with action. Like the golden snitch in Harry Potter you have to grab it when it comes by. Don’t dally wondering. Snatch the prize.

In Quiddich, the game ends when someone grabs the snitch. In life that is not true. You are just beginning when you identify your dream and move in its direction. You have to hold on with faith that this came to you because it is yours and there are forces beyond what you can easily perceive that are bringing it into form for you. This cosmos is orderly and patterned and what looks like decay and destruction is just a piece of the whole. The goddess Kali is destroyer and creator both. She clears out and then makes new.

I had only a partial idea of what the fire horse meant before I mounted it. I imagined it would take me straight on to the morning of my best life. But, just as I can’t move into a new house with all the stuff I’ve accumulated over the last 12 years, I can’t move into the next ever-evolving version of myself without burning illusions away. Neither can you. And we don’t always let go willingly. That’s where fire is useful, even if it’s painful. But trust that it’s good.

Remember who you are and what is real. In the quantum field of possibilities you are so much more than any momentary challenge or illusion. The Buddha faced Maya’s illusions and turned away. He knew they weren’t real and had no power over him. Jesus did the same with the devil in the desert. Denied the power of those temptations. New Thought teacher of teachers, Emma Curtis Hopkins insisted that only good is real. Dr. Joe Dispenza trains people to focus on space—the emptiness from which springs all that is.

I’d love to throw my lot in with those masters and say this illness couldn’t shake me, but, if you’re anything like me, you know that in the material moment while bouncing upside down on a fire horse who seems hell bent for destruction, the challenge of the moment seems very convincing.

Even as I knew the power of attaching sick to my I AM, I couldn’t see around it or even imagine relief at first. But, if you’ve been practicing that quiet time, then it doesn’t leave your awareness. It rides along beside you like glowing fireflies chanting “remember, remember, you are light.” And eventually you will remember. I started claiming that I am getting better. Not as powerful as already and always good, but moving in the right direction.

Accept that there will be challenges. Don’t fight them. Tom Craig, that heroic former son-in-law and professional painter that moved so many boxes and then moved his schedule around to paint my walls, observed some of the drama going on with my husband. He was amazed at my patience and wondered where it was coming from. I have to confess this was before I got sick. I’ve had a little less patience since, but I realize I accept my husband’s illness. Such things happen, even though they are hard and we don’t like them. There have been plenty of chances to practice lately, but accepting that the unpleasant is an integral and potentially even useful part of the whole lends peace to the process and removes resistance.

Be humble enough to admit you can’t do it all. Ask for help. Let people in. Let them see where you’re hurting and what you need. It’s a gift to them because we all want to be connected. It’s an innate human quality. When we serve others, we feel part of the family. Guests are served. Family takes care of each other. And every one of us belongs to the human family.

I know it isn’t always easy to figure out how someone can help. It can feel huge to come up with that list. One of my friends had to help me come up with ideas. Baby steps, right?

Also helpers expand your energetic field and whatever you’re attempting can not only become easier (or doable) but better. For example, I knew I’d have to find someone to record this post because I sure can’t do it. The fire horse took me straight to the dynamic, big-hearted, musical queen of improv for all things creative, Donna Benjamin. If you usually read newsletters, treat yourself by listening to this one too. I gave her full permission to pull out her musical chops. Why shouldn’t a fire horse ride be fun? You’ll get a felt sense of the joy of letting others in.

Be grateful. Gratitude, ideally, is a way of life, but if you’re going to ride a fire horse, it’s a necessity. Gratitude affirms that all is well and washes away those nasty, niggling thoughts that question your worthiness or eligibility for your dream. We can’t see the details of how we reach the dream in advance, but gratitude ignores those details and stays focused on the state of being where it all works out for the best. That state of being is magnetic. And gratitude blesses all those people who show up to help you when you let them in.

Speaking of gratitude, I’m so grateful to all of you who took the time to read this. I guess I’m finally feeling a little bit better because it’s the first time in a week I’ve had the energy to write. You may or may not be on a fire horse but I’m confident you’ve got plenty on your plate and I treasure your attention to my words. I’m still managing to get this A New Day newsletter out at least monthly—sometimes more. If you’d like to subscribe then it will show up in your inbox. It’s free, or you can make a small donation. And if you like, share, or comment you help my work get noticed.

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