People Along the Way

Since writing my last article about friends, the memory of writing an English college essay came back.

The essays were later read and critiqued by classmates. One of the comments about my piece was “not everyone is a friend.” I wish I knew what I had written that implied that, because of course, I knew that.

And although my friends have played an important part in my life, I realize there have been many other people who have made a significant impact on my life. This famous quote sums it up quite nicely for me:

“People come into your life for a reason… a season… or a lifetime.”

(credited to Brian A. Drew Chalker)

It’s easy to identify the people who have been with me for a lifetime. I define lifetime in this context as the influence a person had on my life—not necessarily a literal beginning to “the end.”

Of course, my parents quickly come to mind. They gave me the emotional foundation to build the rest of my life. Most of their lessons/values/ethics weren’t ever verbalized, I just absorbed them during those early years. Maybe like you, we then spend a lot of our adult years unraveling just how this “inheritance” has affected our thinking and behaviors! Although my parents died many years ago, some of those messages continue to unfold themselves even now.

As I look at the people who stayed in my life for a season, there are tons of people I could list—classmates, teachers, neighbors, coworkers. But I believe the quote’s message is to “call out” those who have been with us for a period of time and have made an impact. Well, that narrows it down a lot!

It’s been fun remembering those folks (non-friends) who have affected my life in some way. Here’s a couple of examples I came up with:

Mrs. Pierson. For some reason, my mom wanted me to play the piano. The piano arrived when I was 4 and Mrs. Pierson did the rest. I took weekly lessons faithfully until high school. I’m sure my mom was pleased that I liked playing it. Of course, like most of us, I didn’t like to practice. I can still hear my mom remind me, “Time to tickle the ivories.”

I don’t think Mom or Mrs. Pierson could have ever imagined how learning the piano created a significant thread throughout my life. In grammar school, I would be asked to play an occasional song in my classroom. I was pleased to be asked to perform at my eighth-grade graduation. (I’m guessing my mom was too.) I was also proud that I picked a “showier” piece than my classmate, Howard. (Just sayin’.)

Playing the piano and reading notes eventually led to singing. I always told others that I don’t have a great voice, but I could read music and follow (sing) the notes. I sang in my church choir and would continue to sing in many church choirs throughout my life.

I tried out and was accepted for a select chorus in high school and another one in college. I learned the guitar and used guitar/piano/singing as a camp counselor and later, as a Kindergarten teacher.

Matter of fact, I selected Early Education because I figured I could utilize music with younger children.

Although my passion for music never waned, music took a back seat while raising my family (about a 25-year pause). I had the opportunity to buy a piano early in this decade with a company bonus. I relearned the piano (thanks to another piano teacher who helped).

I once again embraced the joy that music occupies a big part of my heart. While I was living in Pennsylvania, I joined a church with an exceptional church choir—wonderful memories of a European choir tour and our special Christmas concerts.

Which brings me up to now. I am re-learning how to play the guitar and am active in a local Folk Singing organization (for 55+ years) and oh yeah, learning to square dance!

The gifts from Mrs. Pierson’s season have blossomed over and over throughout my life.

Back in the 70s, after moving to Rochester (my husband grew up in this region), I had hoped to land another teaching job (I had been a Kindergarten teacher in NJ for 4 years). While I was looking/applying, I took an entry level clerical job in a company.

I thought of myself as a teacher. Business was the last place I wanted to be and felt like a fish out of water. Unfortunately, during this era, there was a downturn in needing teachers. Eventually, I came to grips that a career in education was probably not in the cards for me.

I had gotten a promotion as a department secretary (I recognize secretaries are an outdated term these days). It had more responsibilities, but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted a job that I enjoyed (almost) as much as teaching. But what? I knew little about the opportunities in the business world.

I started making a mental list and eliminated careers/jobs I knew I didn’t want to do. Finance? Nope, not good at math. Computers? Not left-brained. Sales? Too intimidating! The only other area that I was aware of was Personnel (now called Human Resources). I could interview people!

As it turned out, the company I worked for was getting ready to close its doors and move the division to Florida. Before I was laid off, though, I talked with the Personnel Representative. It was through that discussion that I realized there were more aspects than just interviewing. (Duh) The job sounded more attractive. Sure, I could (probably) do that.

After my unemployment was over, I started a new job at a new company. One of the benefits of this company was they paid for college courses with no waiting period. I began enrolling in a handful of basic Personnel classes right away.

Although I had made some advancements in the former company, I had to start over again at the bottom—in the Typing Pool. Do you remember what a Typing Pool was? Back in the 70s, word processing typewriters were just evolving. The Typing Pool had a handful of typists who would handle overflow documents/reports from various departments. This allowed department secretaries to focus on more pressing/priority items.

Lloyd. Lloyd was one of the managers who used the Typing Pool for numerous projects. He learned about my interest in Personnel and that I was taking classes. When his secretary left the company, he hand-picked me to replace her. Lloyd just happened to be the Personnel Manager for the Equipment Plant.

Although I was “just” a secretary, he would share some background information why decisions were made and allowed me to interview some candidates (with his oversight). He would also push me to try things and do more, when I balked that I wasn’t “ready.”

Lloyd provided me with foundational skills to qualify me for a more advanced position outside the company. That position turned out to be an HR Director of a nonprofit. Yes, I went from being a secretary on Friday to being a director on Monday (that’s a story for another time!).

During this “season” of my life, I credit Lloyd for seeing potential in me and launching me on my satisfying 30-year career.

That could be the end of this memory—but wait, there’s more!

Despite my hesitation about the world of business, I found Human Resources a good fit for me. I was a generalist who handled recruiting, compensation, benefits, and employee relations. I liked the variety and that every day was different.

After working in HR for several years, I realized I would have less employee relations issues if the managers had improved skills and we could provide a better work environment. The privately held company I worked for didn’t have funds to use a consultant (and computer resources back then were just evolving).

So, I decided to put the training together myself! I read many books and articles and developed what I later called a “Soup to Nuts” management training series. In addition to HR duties, I held multiple classes for supervisors, each focused on a different topic.

…I continued to be involved in management training the rest of my HR career. Although it wasn’t what I had imagined when I first graduated college, and my students were taller, I believe God had another plan for me to capitalize on my skills and passion for teaching. [We plan; God laughs.]

[Note: Side story: Many years after working for Lloyd, I had a business meeting at a local hotel. As I was going into the hotel, there was Lloyd going the other way on the same path! I was so grateful to have an opportunity to tell him how he influenced my life/career!!]

I’ve come to realize that reason translates to growth (and many times involves pain). That reason could be a simple quick statement that brings an “a-ha.” I’m sure there have been many in my life. But the one that comes first to my mind was a situation where growth wasn’t fast and preceded by a lot of stress.

In my HR role, I have supported many, probably hundreds of managers, in one way or another. One of them really rocked my world. Right from the beginning of our reporting relationship, I immediately felt I didn’t measure up to his expectations. I remember trying to figure out how I could intentionally change myself to turn around his opinion of me. Nothing seemed to work.

Eventually, I hired a Coach to help navigate this professional relationship. Through our conversations, she reminded me that I didn’t have the ability to change his beliefs (duh). But when she said he was a soulmate, I was like, “WTH?”

Like many of you, I associated soulmates as a romantic relationship. Was this some sort of cruel joke? Through my later research, she was indeed correct… “Soulmates can enter your life to teach a lesson or facilitate growth, and not just a long-term partner.”

My lesson? I always knew I had a fair amount of a people-pleasing trait in my personality. This situation helped me realize that trying to change myself for someone to like me simply doesn’t work.

Being my authentic self is enough and serves me best. This situation was not a “light-switch” change of my personality, but it sure was a starting point. I became more aware of my tendency and gradually learned to celebrate who I have become—just as I am.

[Note: The post-script to this story was that through a series of corporate changes, I discovered that I was not the only one who found this manager difficult to work with. In particular, he didn’t like anyone telling him what he could/could not do—especially in HR and oh Lordy—a woman! Several years later, he left the company to “pursue other opportunities.” (wink wink)]

Often when I start writing an article, I have a brief topic in mind, and I’m sometimes surprised what comes out on paper (or on the computer!). So was the case with this article.

I have always been thankful to my friends and family. When I think of my blessings, they are always top of my list. As I started writing this article, I realized just how many people have influenced and shaped me. I guess our lives do, indeed, take a village. I never stopped to think about it before.

And so, I invite you to think about your own life influencers. I’m confident all of us have made a difference to someone. If possible, I hope you can share your story with that person. What a wonderful gift to know the difference they have made in your life.

[From: It’s a Wonderful Life…]

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