I started looking for jobs.

Yesterday I woke up feeling motivated for the day. I had my coffee. Did my journaling. Read a little fiction (I am feeling personal development booked out these days - however, with my current state, maybe it would do me some good)

I had every intention of going downstairs to do a workout, but somewhere between talking to my daughter about how she was feeling about the first day of school and picking out a workout top, I talked myself out of it.

Instead, I hopped in the shower and decided to get ready for the day.

My to-do list was packed, including creating some content for Instagram. (Full disclosure: I have been really struggling with Instagram lately)

Despite putting on what should be a very reliable, tried-and-true outfit, I couldn’t get comfortable.

I went to Pinterest for inspo from my “my style board”. I searched “comfy outfit for a cold summer day". But nothing landed. I changed my clothes three times.

It didn’t matter what I put on; everything felt tight, constrained and not like what I wanted to wear.

Have you ever felt that feeling? Like everything you put on feels uncomfortable? Like all of a sudden you just hate everything? (and well… everyone?)

Suddenly I was in such a weird mood.

I went downstairs and sat at my computer. All the ideas that I had ready to act on that morning were gone. I was spinning my tires.

Literally the last thing I wanted to do (or could do) was work.

I had this instant wave of depression and anxiety flow over me. One that has been lingering, but I have been able to push down.

These days I know myself well enough to know that we don’t force things.

So I went upstairs and asked myself what the most comfortable thing I own is.
Then I remembered about Cozy Earth’s wide-leg bamboo sweatsuit (that could very well go for pyjamas).

No, this is not an ad for Cozy Earth, even though they sponsor the podcast. This was one of those moments when I realized how much more this brand means to me than bamboo sheets.

I was down in the dumps.
Overwhelmed.
Unfocused.
Frustrated.
Just blah!

From a nervous system perspective, I was in

freeze.

With a huge to-do list. But not in a creative space where I could do anything.

So I didn’t.

(I’ve learned to do that since learning more about my Human Design. I’m a projector. We’re not meant to work the same way as everyone else. Things should not be forced. So I didn’t force it.

If you’re curious, I talked about Human Design in this episode of the Podcast.

With the exception of my one-on-one coaching call with one of my favourite business coaching clients (my second client, who told me she just had her highest cash month yet), I said screw it. I took the pressure off.

I decided to putter.

I finished laundry that had piled up from the cottage.
Cleaned the kitchen
Scrolled my phone looking at pillows for my stepdaughter’s old bedroom.
Made this delicious high-protein Buffalo Chicken Dip I saw on Instagram the other day
Planned a little podcast stuff
and then watched the last few episodes of Sterling Point.

In the meantime,

I went back and forth between wanting to go off the grid, say screw social media, and just be a stay-at-home mom.

I looked up jobs in Child Protection (that’s what I did before I had my daughter), momentarily forgetting that I could absolutely never ever work for another person ever again.

I questioned my entire online presence and my rebrand.

I scolded myself for not finishing my book proposal this summer (because rebranding the podcast and revamping my entire life while living on a rock was not enough)

I just wanted to share that with you.

Because THIS is what entrepreneurship looks like
It’s an emotional roller coaster.
Days where you’re on a high and days when you’re questioning every decision you’ve ever made.
Days when your bank account is overflowing and then days when you feel like an absolute loser.

Just in case you’re scrolling through your feed right now at all the boss babes who look like everything is all hearts and sparkles and five-figure months.

In fact, the other day I was on a Group Coaching call with a bunch of other coaches, and one of the women on the call got super vulnerable about what she was going through.

She was questioning herself and had very negative thoughts about her capabilities and her appearance. She was in tears.

I had literally just been on her feed thinking how cool and successful she is.

Instagram never tells the full story. Actually, it’s not Instagram; it’s us. We don’t tell the full story on Instagram.

Anyways, that’s all I have for now. It’s a new day.

I’m going to move my body and see where we go from there…

Jamie

PS. I also had a Häagen-Dazs (twice) and ate all that dip.

Maybe we can talk about the messy middle a bit more, okay?