Prime Minister, there should be zero illegal immigration. Here's how to make that happen

So Andy Burnham is going to spend more taxpayers’ money to move illegal migrants into middle class areas. Why? In the name of fairness. In my appearance on Talk TV today, I really got quite irate.

Let’s talk about fairness, shall we, Prime Minister? Fairness would be stopping these criminals from travelling from France – a safe country – to Britain and treating them like “asylum seekers” as if they have fled a warzone.

It’s not fair on working class people to house these shysters in their communities; it’s not fair on middle class people to do the same; and it’s not fair on the nation to gaslight us into believing that this is a problem that cannot be solved, like a natural disaster, and which requires everyone to “pull together”.

If you had the political will, Mr Burnham, you could solve this problem almost overnight. How? Not by adopting Reform’s catchy but unworkable plan to send the Royal Navy into action in the Channel (which Andrew Fox so masterfully dismantled here). No: it is much simpler to remove the incentives.

If every man landing on our shores was incarcerated pending deportation, possibly in some nightingale-hospital-style pop-up prison on a remote Scottish island, with no mobile phone, no access to black-market work, no cash handouts and no hotel accommodation, the problem would soon dry up.

In other words, this is not a blameless crisis. Our political classes have caused it, and continue to do so by refusing to grasp the nettle, while bleating about “sharing the burden” all the while.

You know how much illegal immigration there should be in Britain? Zero. That’s right. Whether you’re middle class or working class, you should not have to put up with it. (Bloody obvious, really.)