a lot of people don’t realize that we live in two worlds when it comes to social interactions.
imagine if you needed help with something extremely simple like a favor.
“can you help me move this couch?” or “can you help me change this tire?”
these are all things that are really easy to ask either a friend or a family member to help you with.
you wouldn’t ask your friend or family member how much they charge you an hour for help.
the reason is because with your family member and friend you already have a social frame established.
you’re relying on them to agree to the task because of a pre-existing relationship.
you assume a degree of generosity on their part and you trust that this relationship is somewhat reciprocal.
this is such an important concept because it’s an invisible assumption that underlies every social interaction.
there’s a conceptual difference in your brain when you help your friend out.
if it takes you three or four hours to move the couch, your friend isn’t going to come up to you afterwards and say,
“hey, you did me a three hour favor, so i’m gonna make sure to pay you three hours worth of money when i help you move.”
it’s more likely to be, “we’re the kind of people who help each other out.”
the social exchange doesn’t demand an immediate payback.
if you help your friend move today, you might help them study for an exam six months later. or you might help them drive somewhere. or get some good food with them.
now imagine you ask your mechanic to change your tire.
suddenly, the conversation of payment and how much you pay them per hour is not odd at all because we’ve switched to a market norm.
someone is providing you with a service and you can only provide them with something of equal value which is usually going to be money because money is the universal currency for measuring value for certain things.
we move between these two worlds constantly and we don’t even realize it.
the thing is problems tend to arise when we mix them up.
a lot of people make this mistake not only with money and favors, but they mix up social norms and market norms.
they end up fucking up the vibes of conversations and opportunities, whether that’s in a job interview, a social media post, or a situation where they need to gain value from someone else.
a lot of people don’t understand the art of reciprocation.
that’s what i’m going to be talking about today.
this just doesn’t come into play with favors and services either. it goes deep into your day to day conversation and even body language.
your brain is always making these calculations. so you should understand how to use this information to your advantage.
7:30am as i type these exact words. airpods in. hoodie on.
my notebook next to me has about 200 sticky notes sticking out of it because of this month’s daily posts.
research upon research upon research. my pen rests on top of it.
the monitor in front of me loaded with information we are about to go over.
let’s get into this.
this month’s been loaded with value and it’s not slowing down.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
— Winston Churchill
reciprocity is much more complicated than people think.
in a lot of people’s heads it’s an exchange. you do something for me and i’m gonna do something for you.
in reality it’s much more nuanced than that.
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