The Psychology Of Seduction And Attraction

seduction is one of the most valuable skills a human being can possess.

and the beauty of it is, it can be learned by virtually anyone.

most people mistakenly think that it’s something that is inherent in people that are beautiful, confident, sexually assertive, daring, charismatic, and so on.

however, all of these things and more can be manifested by a truly seductive individual.

a truly seductive person has one quality that transcends all the things i listed above.

that being hyper awareness, or self awareness.

i know it sounds crazy, right?

i wrote a post a while back on the paradox of self-awareness and how much it can cripple you in social situations because you hyper-analyze every single conversation.

what to say, what not to say, how you’re appearing to the other person.

but one thing about life is that a lot of our flaws are like a double-edged sword.

sometimes they cut us. but sometimes they can be used to absolutely amplify us.

self awareness can be crippling but can also make you one of the best social creatures alive.

a seductive individual is someone that is hyper aware of themself and the other person.

they know when to reveal or withhold certain aspects of themself.

when to speak. when to be silent.

they doesn’t spill everything out in the first 20 minutes of meeting someone because they crave validation and attention.

they are aware of the fact that attention is a limited resource.

attraction is one of those topics that i am particularly fascinated by.

not only because i see it manifest itself in real life, but because when i try it out for myself it works.

in fact when you learn to utilize attraction, especially the right kind of it, it can change your outlook on life and relationships with people in general.

take one of history’s greatest seducers for example. casanova.

widely regarded as one of history’s most popular, most seductive person. i saw someone give him the nickname of a sex bomb while i was reading up on him, which was kind of funny, i liked that

he existed in the 17th century and was a man so notorious for seductive ability.

he wasn’t the most objectively attractive man by any means but he was so seductive that he could seduce almost any woman he wanted.

his reputation had nothing to do with physical appearance. it was purely build about how it felt having a conversation around him.

his storytelling and confidence made people feel as if they were enlightened.

which takes us to my first principle.

seduction isn’t about becoming more impressive.

it’s about becoming exceptionally good at making another person feel interesting, like they’re seen and validated.

6:37pm as i write these words.

doing an evening writing session. cloudy outside. just how i like it.

and the music fits in with the ambience.

let’s get started.

"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question."
— Albert Camus

i’ll start off with an idea that’s kind of the underlying principle of being a seductive person.

i read this from robert greene. the idea that people are more drawn to how they feel around you than how much they actually like you.

obviously those are tied, because who you are as a person can make someone feel a certain way.

but the important concept to understand is that you can make someone feel emotions.

attraction is emotion.

as a seductive individual the goal is to not make the other person think “wow that person is amazing”.

that puts the focus on you and spotlight on you. for the person to come to that point it’s likely that you were leading the conversation in a way where you were mostly talking about yourself.

instead you want to make them think “why do i feel so amazing around this person?”

there is a huge difference between the two.

the former is admiration, which is good. but the latter is attraction, which is what you want.