(i keep dancing on my own)
i was reading the canon of pure reason B828 B832 and listening to dancing on my own and it was so good. i sort of want to have sex but i feel like a fat sack of shit. and i'm craving sugar. ugh.
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hear it call hear it call to me constantly
on some days like today i experience a kind of living that is divorced from objective engaged life. i experience a kind of being that is not being as ive known it before. a being where i just am, i lose track of time. it feels a bit like i become a completely passive object. i feel as if i am pure experience, like all that i am is a thing that is experiencing what happens out there. is that all i…
a strange hunger haunted me
i am back from time with friends, and i find myself thinking. sometimes i think there are only a couple feelings and thoughts im capable of experiencing, and as i get older ill only ever find new ways to express those same things. like im a bottle full of oil and water. i feel so lonely sometimes. walking with friends, trying to make people laugh, trying to make myself have a good time, sometimes…
your body is a death trap
sometimes i find myself unable to get women out of my mind. when i see a really beautiful woman she will be stuck in my head and for a while the only thing i can think of when i close my eyes is that woman, sometimes i imagine myself with her, sometimes i just think of her. its kind of addicting. i feel a bit guilty because i have a boyfriend, but what am i supposed to do? i refuse to feel guilty…
to distant lands takes both my hands
ASAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHA. fuck my stupid fucking life. I feel like I had to say that. I had to say something funny. I need to write more. but this blog is tired of hearing about that. too bad, I haven’t come to write about anything new. I’m going to complain about the same old things, another December, another year, another post, so it goes. I had a thought…
aaaaaaahhhhh
im so frustrated. i barely had any food and im now hungry but i cant go home to eat yet and theres nothing open on campus. i don't want to be fat and eat uni garbage slop anyway but im hungry and frustrated. my class was pissing me off. all the discussion questions all had glaringly obvious answers and when its like that, what am i supposed to say? i have nothing to say. ive never considered a…
some other town, someone else's life
i was reading about that guy that killed those 4 students in idaho. its so terrifying what people are capable of, and what can happen to people. i think its interesting whenever people like this guy are being discussed widely. on the one hand, i absolutely hate this type of person. i think some people dont belong on this earth. that is not a value-judgement: its a disruption for them to exist…
far from any road
it has been a while since i have written anything other than a text. i suddenly got a strong urge to do so just before bed. i get that feeling usually before bed. its almost like ive wanted to say things and i dont want to go to bed without saying them. im reading steppenwolf. i have a headache. steppenwolf is good i think, its a little hard to follow, but i like that because a person like the…
anemonia
I didn’t feel like speaking today. I felt like muffling out every possible thought in my head. I had something playing in my headphones the whole day, and if not, I was reading. I’ve been watching a lot of shows and reading a little here and there and playing a lot of mind-numbing mobile games. Surely this is no way to live. I realize that, and at night I look at my boyfriend like an idiot,…
life is strange
I'm watching life is strange gameplay. The real game is too expensive, and it would be too time consuming to get all the way through. The music is good but a little depressing. I ate a lot today. I know I don't feel good about what I ate when I intentionally do not tell anyone exactly how much I ate and what. secretive. I don't know why I've been so hungry. I guess I do. I've been sad. I've given…